Into the Ordinary
by quirky cricket
Summary: A collection of random memories from middle school to high school graduation. Each kid will have a POV chapter. Lots of random pairings since kids get confused. Rated T for language and innuendo... and for general teenagery.
1. Phoebe 2001

February 2001

_I miss third grade._

I wrote that first in fourth grade, when our class was broken up and we only saw each other at lunch and sometimes in gym.

I wrote it again in seventh grade, when I realized how awesome it was to at least have lunch with my friends, instead of maybe lunch and scattered classes with scattered friends – English with Carlos and Tim, history with Wanda and Ralphie, band with Keesha, science with DA, Carlos, and Wanda again, reading with Tim… and lunch with some of them sometimes.

I wrote it again in eighth grade when I was the only one who took French. I wish I was there when Carlos got kicked out of Spanish I, even though he doesn't really speak it that well, just because his name is Spanish. I wish I was there in dance when Wanda made the dance company. I wish I was there in gym when Arnold got pegged in the face with a volleyball. I could have done something to help him out. On second thought, I'm glad I wasn't there, or everyone would have laughed at me. I mean, everyone seemed to know that I liked Arnold, not that it was hard to tell since I couldn't really talk to him much without blushing or shaking or running away.

In ninth grade, we were still in middle school and tried to plan our schedules so we could be together, but there were so many electives…

It got worse in high school. I didn't have the same lunch as Carlos and D.A., so I missed their running to the courtyard intermittently to make up or break up. I wasn't in drama when Keesha and Wanda made call-backs for the first time. I got nervous even thinking about going near the drama room. I did get to sneak a peek at Tim's art – but only because AP art students had a show after school and I ran so I could squeeze it between psychology and after-school choir practice.

I was there at lunch when Wanda revealed her latest plan to get everyone back together in junior year of high school.

"We have to be in the musical for choir." I sighed. "I don't know what I'm going to do." I was sitting at lunch with Keesha and Wanda, as usual.

"If you've got such bad stage fright, how come you're in choir?" Wanda asked.

"I can look at the person in front of me." I explained. "I can close my eyes sometimes."

"And you can in band?" Keesha prodded. She was first sax in jazz band. Wanda raised an eyebrow. She played trombone in jazz band in middle school, but dropped out to be on drill team.

"No." I admitted, staring at my half-eaten slice of cheese pizza. "But I can hide behind my music stand."

"If you don't see them, they don't see you?" Keesha hypothesized.

"Sort of." I nodded.

"I just don't get it – I love being on stage!" Wanda enthused. She was in drama as well as dance company. She had just signed up for choir so she could be in the advanced drama troupe that did a lot of musicals. "You should totally sign up for musical, Pheebs."

"No way." I said, biting into the pizza. I shook my head as I chewed to drive the point home.

"If you're in the chorus, the only people looking at just you are your parents." Wanda insisted. "Well, and I guess Arnold would be looking at you…"

"I'm in the orchestra." I tried. "He – no one can see me there."

"Will that excuse fly in choir?" Keesha asked, concerned. She was pretending she didn't hear me slip.

"I hope so." I hoped that being in the pit where no one could see me would placate my choir teacher. I'd much rather wear black and play clarinet – even for two straight hours – than dance and sing in some ridiculous costume. Our choir director might not buy it though. He had a rivalry with orchestra and no one knew why. Wanda and Keesha were both trying out for leads; they'd even convinced DA to audition for something. I wasn't surprised that they ganged up on me.

"Look, musical practice after school is every day for three months. We could finally all be together again for longer than a few minutes!" Wanda pleaded.

"I'll be in the pit." I said firmly.

"No, because then you'll be in the band room practicing during rehearsal." Wanda continued.

"She has this all planned out." Keesha raised her eyebrows. "Seriously, she's been plotting your downfall on the bus all week."

I miss third grade, when we all rode the same bus. That way Wanda couldn't do this to me – at least not without my knowing.

"Fine." I closed my eyes. "I'll be in the chorus – if everyone else can be. But I'm not trying out for a lead."

"Come ON," Wanda begged.

"Lay off," Keesha warned. "You don't want her to spontaneously combust."

"Right, priorities." Wanda sighed, winking at Keesha.

"Don't _do_ that!" I insisted, throwing a fry at Wanda. "Can't we all gang up on … I don't know, Ralphie?"

"Good idea!" Wanda's eyes lit up. "So, who'll come with me after school to corner him?"

To make a long story short, it didn't work out. Ralphie couldn't miss football practice and Tim was already on stage crew (he did the set design), so I did get to be in the pit after all. Wanda managed to recruit Carlos into the chorus, which was hilarious. I thought I would look funny in a ridiculous costume, but Carlos was funnier. He was such a ham anyway, theatre suited him.

Orchestra and chorus rehearsals were at the same time, but we never saw each other. Wanda convinced the music and stage directors to at least coordinate our dinner breaks. I was amazed she had that much clout. For all her scheming, Wanda wasn't the one making sure we all met up – that fell to Dorothy Ann.

On a Friday night in February, the band director held us for longer than usual to "polish" one of the songs that we couldn't do faster than half the intended tempo. My mouth was exhausted – I'd been playing reed instruments since I was seven, but practicing for hours on end was something else. I hadn't tried talking; I honestly didn't think I could form words.

I walked out of the band room after rehearsal to find my thespian friends (Tim included, even though he was on crew) were outside waiting for me.

"I swear one of these days Mr. B will catch you and Carlos making out in a car," Wanda laughed at DA. Keesha and Tim joined in. Carlos wanted to laugh, but didn't like to do so at his own expense.

"Whatever." He replied. "We're just friends now."

"Seriously this time." Dorothy Ann added, much to the amusement of everyone else. I smiled at how we could make the best out of school on a Friday night. I was a little sad that rehearsals weren't combined yet. The chorus would have a terrible time learning their dances while the orchestra was still learning the notes.

"Hey guys," I said quietly. I rubbed my sore jaw. "Sorry I had to stay longer than usual, those killer runs in the second act…"

"So…" Carlos turned to me, cutting me off. "I heard you have a thing for the pianist."

"What? Our pianist quit." I replied, puzzled.

"She doesn't deny it." Wanda hissed. DA giggled. I looked at them and saw that Wanda had a plan. I narrowed my eyes at Wanda. If it didn't make her feel bad for ganging up on me again, at least it made me feel better.

"The new pianist." Tim added. I hated when people ganged up on me. They all seemed to be laughing and I didn't get it. I hated this feeling. I wish they'd just tell me.

"What new pianist?" I asked, frustrated. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned away from my friends, who were all about to explode with full-blown laughter.

"Hey." Arnold said softly.

"Arnold!" I jumped. "What are you doing here?" I could hear everyone laughing behind me.

"I'm the new pianist." He said softly. "I was working with the leads today, but I'll be in the orchestra next week." Before I could reply, I was interrupted. I wasn't surprised.

"Aw, maybe _they'll_ get caught making out in the parking lot!" Carlos cried.

"Maybe you and D.A. will get back together to go on double dates!" Keesha countered.

"Look how red they both are!" Wanda laughed. I realized that I'd started blushing the second Arnold spoke to me. He'd caught me off guard, or else I wouldn't have been so embarrassed.

I looked at Keesha, hoping she'd come through for me as the voice of reason, but she just gave me a look. DA didn't look like she was going to stop the chaos either. Tim was on the phone – not-so-discreetly. I knew he was calling Ralphie to tell him that we were all out.

"Well, this is ridiculous." Arnold said.

"And awkward." I added.

"Very awkward." He echoed. I watched myself fidget with my left foot.

I had nothing to say. We were standing face-to-face, closer than we normally would to have a conversation. Everyone was lounging around on the grass a few feet away. We were talking so quietly no one could hear – or we had been for all of a minute. It grew exponentially more awkward by the second. I heard footsteps coming near me, but I couldn't look up from my feet.

"Look," a matter-of-fact voice started, "I know it, you both know it, and everyone else knows it. Why are you so afraid to admit you like each other?" Dorothy Ann lectured. I squinted my eyelids shut, knowing that it was the only way I could feel I was hiding any more. I heard Dorothy Ann sigh, but she didn't leave. "If you'd just say it – or something,"

"KISS!" Wanda cheered.

" – or something," DA repeated. I drew the line at kissing. There was no way, not here in front of the high school, not in front of all of my friends, not with DA so close, not because Wanda said so, not when my mom could come pick me up (in case she forgot that I was going to hang out with my friends tonight), just not now. I winced harder. Knowing my luck, Arnold would decide to go for it right now. "Pheebs, is there a muscle in your body you aren't clenching right now?"

I felt my ears burn red. I tried to find the muscle so I could clench it too. "I don't know." I mumbled.

"Come on," DA soothed. "You two are lucky. Most people fear rejection, and it's clear as day that's not an issue for you." She was right and I hated her for it. I hoped she didn't give an ultimatum or anything. "Why don't you just admit it?" She repeated, grabbing my shoulder. I looked up at her as a reflex. She had my shoulder in her right hand and Arnold's in her left. I was afraid she'd – I don't know, push us together, but I knew she wasn't strong enough. She just held on, like she could keep me from running away. I made a note to tell her I'm not in middle school any more.

I bit my lip. Arnold swallowed hard. He was closer to caving than I was.

"I'll give you three good reasons why you should." DA offered. "Ralphie." She paused for emphasis, looking at Tim, who wasn't on the phone any longer. Ralphie was on his way. "Wanda." She was letting each "reason" sink in. "Carlos."

I looked over at Arnold, who looked slightly afraid. "You wouldn't." He managed.

"She would." I countered before DA could respond.

"Fine then, since you two are speaking again, I'll give you five minutes." She let go. I contemplated running.

"Phoebe, I, uh…" Arnold started. His voice cracked and he gritted his teeth shut.

I, however, was not one for initiating earth-shattering admissions. "Why did you join the orchestra?" I asked, softly but quickly before I could change the subject mid-sentence (an art I'd mastered).

"Because the pianist dropped out and I wanted to – I wanted to see you more. I mean, I was hoping we could hang out at rehearsal and stuff, but I understand if you've got sectionals or whatever…" He blurted. I smiled a little – it was so sweet of him to remember that I might have sectionals – I was second clarinet and the harmonies did get difficult.

"No," I said before I realized what I'd said. Arnold's face fell and he started to turn away when I started blurting stuff out faster than I could think. "I mean sure, I'd love to hang out with you or whatever. I meant no I don't usually have sectionals – and I mean… I'm the only sophomore in the clarinet section and they don't really talk to me anyway." I looked back at my feet, wondering if I could still breathe. Even provoking that from him had me flushed. My next words surprised me. "Sorry I asked, I just – I guess I'm just chicken."

"What?" Apparently they caught him off-guard too.

"I'm chicken." I repeated. Why was I still talking? "I guess we were supposed to confess undying love or something and I'm too scared to do it, so I asked a pointed question to make you do it first." I made another mental note to get an exorcism and charge Wanda for it.

He smiled. "It's okay, I know how you feel. That was a lot of pressure." I felt a little relief. At least we were both humiliated together, right? I decided to give up on exorcising the demon within if it ended up okay. I figured I probably should go to an extra mass, though.

"Was?" I asked, laughing weakly. I glanced back at the group. Carlos gave me a thumbs-up. Wanda wolf-whistled. I realized I'd stopped blushing for a moment before because I blushed again.

"Right." Arnold reached out his right hand, which was shaking so hard it was funny. I knew I'd be shaking harder – maybe I just wanted to laugh, but I didn't. I mirrored him, reaching toward him with my left hand. It was awkward and meaningful and sweet and the most embarrassing moment of my entire life all at once.

His palm was sweaty, but I realized that mine was too as I took his hand. I watched our hands tremble, nervous in this new gesture. Arnold looked up at me sheepishly.

"Do you think they'll leave us alone now?" He ventured.

"Maybe." I smiled weakly. I felt like I was going to pass out.

And then I did.

"You killed her!" Wanda was shrieking when I came to. I was flat on my back and could feel the cold grass on my bare arms (thank God for California winters). The night was suddenly chilly. For a moment I could see the dark, vast night sky. It was soon obstructed by Arnold, then pretty much everyone else. My left hand felt cold.

"Are you okay?" Arnold asked, looking very worried.

"Did I faint?" I asked, then laughed a little. "Well, I guess that's obvious. I'm fine, thanks."

"Phoebe!" DA cried. "Are you okay? What happened?"

I took a deep breath. Everyone had gathered around. "I just … fainted, that's all."

"Why?" Tim asked. I wanted to kick him. Wanda grinned at him. Carlos was giving him a look of "Isn't it obvious?"

"I don't know, I guess I was overwhelmed or something." I looked around. This was definitely adding to the most embarrassing part of my life.

"What's going on?" Ralphie's voice called. He was jogging our way. I thought about praying for God to kill me now.

"Can we go?" Arnold asked, looking at Ralphie. He had read my mind. I sat up slowly.

"Yeah, sure." Ralphie shrugged. "Where to?"

"We can go to my house." Keesha offered. I sighed. Finally, the attention was off me.

"Thanks," I said softly. "For changing the subject."

"Are you really okay?" Arnold asked. He moved more quickly this time, putting his hand on mine before he had a chance to get too nervous. I smiled.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I turned my hand so our palms touched and squeezed his hand a little. It gave me butterflies.

"Are you coming or not?" Keesha called. We had apparently been left behind – everyone had piled into Tim's Jeep or Keesha's car. "I've got room for you two in here."

"Okay," Arnold replied. We got up, still managing to hold hands. "So…"

"So what?" I asked. I wasn't playing dumb, I just didn't want to say it.

"So are we going out or what?" He blurted. I stopped walking and tried really hard to stay conscious.

"Okay." I stammered. "I mean, if you want. If you don't, that's okay too, but,"

"No," He corrected, "no, I – yeah, I do want to."

"Okay then." I smiled. He heaved a sigh of relief.

"Well that was probably the most awkward thing ever." He joked as we started walking.

"You haven't tried fainting in front of all of your friends." I replied. He squeezed my hand and smiled at me.

"You – you know, I've kind of had a crush on you for a long time." He admitted.

_Well I may or may not have been in love with you for pretty much my whole life._ I thought. "Yeah, me too – on you, not on me." I blushed. I was spitting out stupid thing after stupid thing tonight. "That sounded pretty stupid, huh?"

Arnold laughed. "Just a little." I laughed with him – nervously, but I was still laughing. This was a good sign.

We got to Keesha's car. She hung up her cell phone quickly.

"What was that about?" I asked. "Please don't tell me Wanda's got another plan."

"No, it was a bet." Ralphie explained. "Wanda thought it would take more extreme measures to get you two together."

"There was a bet?" I cried.

"It's no big deal, just a milkshake." Keesha shrugged as she buckled her seatbelt. Ralphie had, of course, taken shotgun, leaving Arnold and me in the backseat. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't an awkward situation. "I'll buy you one if you want."

"You guys ARE, together, right?" Ralphie probed. I gave him my best "shut _up_" look that I'd perfected on Wanda.

Arnold looked at me and I turned to him. He wasn't saying anything. I blushed. "Yeah."

"SWEET!" Keesha cried. "I'm getting you a milkshake to celebrate."

"It's okay." I insisted. I had a feeling that she'd get Arnold and me a milkshake to share and I didn't want to faint again.

"So…" Ralphie turned to us. "When's the wedding?"

"Shut up," Arnold retorted.

"They've had enough for one night." Keesha added.

"I think we've had enough for a month." I pitched in.

"So I can bug you about it in a month?" Ralphie sounded excited.

"Shut up." Keesha elbowed him.

"Hey, drive!" Ralphie winced. "There's a cat – you could've killed it just then!"

"Whatever." Keesha rolled her eyes. "At least I haven't hit a garbage can."

"I didn't see it!" He countered.

"It was in the middle of the road."

"Well if it was where it was supposed to be, I wouldn't have hit it!" Ralphie argued.

"Sure." Keesha said cynically.

"Will you lovers just stop it?" Arnold insisted.

There was perfect silence. I smiled coyly.

"Wait 'til I tell Wanda." I whispered to Arnold. Keesha knew we were saying something, but I had covered my mouth with my hand so she wouldn't figure out that I was telling Wanda. Arnold handed me his phone.

"Ever played Snake?" He asked. I smiled. He was quick.

"No." I leaned in, counting on Ralphie and Keesha to be far too embarrassed to do anything about it. Arnold opened up his text messaging menu. "I'll pay you back." I whispered.

"Don't worry about it." He answered. "It's only five cents."

2/9/2001 22:41

To: WANDA (805) 555-9467

MSG: R & K admit they're in love - Phoebe (keep it on the dl)

And that was the first text message I ever sent.


	2. Dorothy Ann 1996

April 1996

"Are you sure you're okay without us?" My dad asked. I rolled my eyes.

"Dad, I'm twelve years old." I put my hands on my hips. "I'm practically a teenager."

"Why did I even ask?" He smiled. "Okay, we won't leave until your friends get here."

"Do we have to watch Emily?" I groaned. My little sister could ruin the best sleepover ever.

"No, we'll drop her off at your grandparents' house." My mom explained, putting her arm around my dad. The doorbell rang and I bounded to get it.

"DA!" Phoebe smiled as I flung the door open. She and Keesha had arrived together.

"Where's Wanda?" I asked.

"She probably tried to walk or something." Keesha explained. Wanda was crazy that way.

"Stop talking about me!" Wanda cried, running across my front lawn.

"Speak of the devil…" Keesha muttered, grinning.

"Everyone here then?" My mom asked.

"Yeah," the four of us said in unison.

"Emily, are you ready to go?" Dad called. My eight-year-old sister came down the stairs, dragging a duffel bag.

"Why can't I stay with them?" She whined.

"Don't you want to go to Grandma's?" Mom asked. I tapped Wanda's shoulder quickly and the four of us escaped into the basement.

"Did you bring it?" Keesha turned to Wanda, her brown eyes wide.

"Yeah, want to get it out?" Wanda asked mischievously.

"I don't know if it's such a good idea…" Phoebe mused.

"What?" I asked.

"Dorothy Ann, we're leaving!" My mom yelled.

"Have fun!" I replied hastily. "What have you been planning, Wanda?"

"Ouija board." Keesha answered in a low voice.

"Aren't those evil?" Phoebe asked innocently.

"Come on, Pheebs," Wanda urged. I smiled. My friends were so wonderfully predictable.

"It's no more evil than a Magic 8 Ball." I assured.

"Magic 8 Balls are evil?" Phoebe looked stunned. We laughed.

"Okay, let's ask it a question." Wanda's eyes glinted with excitement. If there was anything evil in this room, it was Wanda. "Put your hands on the… thingy."

Keesha giggled. "That sounds dirty." She put her fingers on the triangle-shaped piece of plastic. Wanda sat across from her, knees touching each other, her fingers on the "thingy."

"Now what?" Phoebe asked.

"You write down what it says." Keesha instructed.

"What do I do?" I asked, handing Phoebe a notepad. "Are we going to take turns or what?"

"Yeah," Wanda nodded. She and Keesha moved the shuttle around the board in wide circles. "We're warming it up." She explained.

"You've done this before?" Phoebe squeaked.

"Sure!" Keesha shrugged. "It's fun." 

"Okay, start with something simple." Wanda looked at me.

"Is Wanda evil?" I asked, smirking.

"That's not a good question." She scowled.

"Do you _really_ want to know?" Phoebe smiled.

"Hit the lights – it should be pretty dark in here." Keesha changed the subject. I turned the lights off, but it was too dark, so I turned on a lamp near where we were sitting on the carpet.

"Okay," I pursed my lips. "Something simple?"

"Yes." The three of them responded.

"Hold on," Wanda interrupted. "I'm going to be the medium, okay?"

"Sure."

"So I'm going to ask the board the questions. I'll take suggestions from you guys." She explained to Phoebe, who looked confused. She closed her eyes and leaned back a little bit. "Spirits in this room, we will only seek positive information – negative energy and demons aren't welcome here!" Wanda sounded like a gypsy fortune teller.

"I can't think of a question," I whispered.

"Are Dorothy Ann and Carlos going to get together this summer?" Wanda asked the board. I scowled in silence, watching the shuttle twitch about a little bit.

"Is it working?" Phoebe asked.

"Sh!" Wanda insisted. We all watched the triangle shuttle (that's the best word I could think of for it, anyway) move up the board, toward Keesha's right knee. It stopped moving. Wanda looked down.

"Yes." She said definitely.

"Whatever." I folded my arms.

"The spirits have spoken!" Wanda declared.

"Do I have to write that down?" Phoebe asked.

"No, only if it starts spelling something." Wanda explained.

"Okay, ask it something more complicated." I challenged.

"Fine." Wanda retorted. She took a deep breath and went back into "gypsy mode."

"Ask about Ms. Frizzle." Phoebe whispered.

"Spirits, we ask that you spell out Ms. Frizzle's first name!" Wanda semi-wailed.

"Now write." I whispered to Phoebe.

The shuttle moved more quickly this time before stopping. "Well?" Keesha turned to Phoebe, who showed her the notepad.

"See!" Wanda cried triumphantly. "It says Valerie!"

"You were moving it." I insisted.

"Why don't you try, DA?" Keesha scooted back. I felt a lump in my throat.

"Okay," I moved over and sat in front of Wanda, my knees against hers, and put my hands on the triangle.

"Ask it who will get married first." Keesha suggested.

"That's too far away. We won't know if it's true." Wanda replied.

"Ask if I'll get a boyfriend." Phoebe tried.

"You will." I retorted. "There. You don't need it."

"Okay, then ask who her first boyfriend will be." Keesha added.

"Who knows when that will be?" I argued.

"Still, we'll remember." Wanda tried before closing her eyes.

"Close your eyes." Phoebe insisted.

"If Arnold asked you out, but the Ouija board said your boyfriend was going to be Ralphie, would you say no?" I asked. Phoebe blushed.

"Just shut your eyes." Keesha ordered. I heard a scuffle of paper. "I'm writing this time."

"I can't look." Phoebe said quietly.

"You have to so we know Keesha didn't cheat." Wanda insisted.

"Fine." Phoebe whimpered.

"What is the first name of Phoebe's first boyfriend going to be?" Wanda asked in her gypsy voice. My eyelids were clenched shut. I felt a slight twitching on the shuttle, which made me gasp. Someone (probably Keesha) shushed me. The shuttle was moving, all right, and I knew I wasn't controlling it. It didn't feel like Wanda was pushing it, either. I could hear Keesha scribbling something down. I could only imagine Phoebe's reactions to all this. Even if it said "no one," it'd be priceless to see her face. Finally, the shuttle stopped. I opened my eyes and looked down through the hole in the shuttle. "D."

"Arnold." Keesha grinned. Wanda raised her eyebrows. She had liked Arnold, sure, but she said she was over him. Phoebe assumed the fetal position. "Well, did you move it?"

"No," I said softly.

"Ask something about Wanda's love life!" Phoebe suggested.

"Yeah!" I agreed.

"Will Wanda ever have a love life?" Keesha tried.

"Will Keesha ever get a man?" Wanda asked in her gypsy voice. Keesha slugged her and we all started laughing.

"Okay, let's play something else." I said. We were sitting in a rough circle. "Truth or dare."

"Dare!" Wanda cried out. I wasn't necessarily addressing it to her, but it's a way to get started.

"Dangit, I haven't hand a chance to think yet!" I cried. "Okay… I dare you to sneak into Ralphie's room."

"Now?" Wanda asked.

"Now." The three of us agreed. "Put your shoes on!"

"You guys, I don't think this is a good idea." Phoebe mumbled. We were crouched behind a hedge in Ralphie's yard.

"Shut up," Wanda said. Her eyes were wide with excitement.

"I don't know, he's on the second floor." Keesha said doubtfully. "And what if his parents are home?"

"Don't be such a wimp, Keesha." I countered. I wanted to see this. Part of the reason I picked Truth or Dare was so we could dare Wanda to do things: she'd actually do it, too.

"I can get up there, but how will you know I'm in?" Wanda asked me.

"Um," I thought. There was usually some kind of thing to take back as proof.

"His hat." Keesha said flatly. "Take his baseball cap. I think he has a bunch; he won't miss it."

"Perfect!" I cried before being shushed by the other three girls.

"Have you been in his room?" Wanda asked Keesha.

"I didn't pick truth." Keesha grinned. "But if it's my turn, then yes I have."

"Was it gross?" Phoebe asked.

"We've all been in Ralphie's room. Remember that time we were in his body?" I asked pointedly.

"Oh." Wanda and Phoebe sighed.

"Well besides that," Wanda clarified.

"I'll answer when you have the hat." Keesha smirked.

"That means yes." Wanda smiled and darted over to a large tree. She climbed it faster than any monkey I'd seen at the zoo do anything. I hoped his parents didn't find us. The image of three pairs of preteen eyes staring anxiously up at Ralphie's window was pretty funny, though. Wanda moved from the tree to the roof of the garage, which was attached to the house. She moved quietly up to the roof under a bedroom window.

"Oh shoot, which one is it?" Phoebe asked.

"Why are you asking me?" Keesha hissed.

"You've been there!"

"So have you!"

"Shush!" I insisted. Wanda was lying on her stomach now, looking like something out of _Mission: Impossible_. It took all I had not to giggle. Wanda cricked her neck slightly to look in the window.

"What if he's in there?" Phoebe asked.

"SHH!" Keesha and I insisted.

"Sorry." She said softly. Wanda sat up – she was very flexible. She was in ballet and gymnastics, and it showed as she removed the screen from Ralphie's window. The three of us in the hedge watched her reach for the bottom of the window and push up.

"What the hell is that?" A familiar voice asked. Wanda scurried back onto the roof of the garage. Ralphie's head stuck out the window. "Wanda? What are you doing on my roof?"

"Um… I tried knocking but no one answered." Wanda replied casually. I swear Ralphie looked right at us – the hedge had just giggled. "I was wondering if I could borrow a baseball cap. I don't have one."

"Sure." Ralphie was confused. "I mean, how did you get up here?"

"That tree." Wanda pointed.

"And… why do you need the hat?"

"Just give it to me!" Wanda demanded. Ralphie vanished from the window and Wanda gave us a thumbs-up. It's amazing that she could still intimidate people when she had obviously been caught in the middle of a dare.

"Good thing you didn't ask for his underwear." Phoebe noted.

"Ew…" the three of us said. Ralphie reappeared with an old hat.

"Here." He extended the hand with the hat in it to Wanda, and then remembered that he was lending a hat to a girl on his roof. "Seriously, why are you on the roof of my house?"

"Thanks, gotta run!" Wanda grabbed the hat and dashed across the roof of the garage. We waited until she hit the ground and made it back to the hedge. "Run for it!" She whispered. I know Ralphie noticed the sudden rustle in the bushes, but we darted along a small dirt path that led into a darker patch of trees. There's no way he saw us. We reached a clearing a short ways away and had stopped to rest a moment.

"Oh my God, Wanda, that was awesome!" Keesha said, amazed. "I would've hid."

"I would've died." Phoebe chimed in.

"Speaking of which, Phoebe, I dare you to…" Keesha smiled.

"Answer my question, Franklin!" Wanda insisted.

"Yes, besides the time we were in Ralphie – I've been in his room. We were studying or something."

"Ooh," I said mockingly. "Or something, huh?" We heard a phone ring.

"Are we in someone's backyard?" Keesha asked, alarmed.

"HIDE!" Phoebe insisted, scrambling up a pine tree.

"Phoebe, you're as sharp as a bowling ball," Wanda laughed as Phoebe made small pained noises under her breath.

"DA, where are we?" Phoebe asked, sounding scared.

"I don't know, it's dark." I answered. I was huddled behind another bush – a juniper or something. Wanda was in a more climbing-friendly tree, Keesha was next to me in the juniper, and Phoebe had her pine. We could hear a voice close by, but not close enough to understand.

"It's a boy." Wanda whispered. Although she liked to act fearless, it was fun for Wanda to be scared every once in a while.

"Is it Ralphie?" Keesha asked.

"No," I said, looking out at the landscape. "We're too far away from his house."

Phoebe peered through the pine needles. "I think it's – Carlos."

"SHIT!" Wanda said, a little too loudly.

"Wait a second," the voice said. "I think I heard something."

"Wanda, we're screwed!" I hissed.

"Don't say anything else!" Keesha insisted. We were happy to oblige. The footsteps came closer.

"I swear I heard someone," the voice said, pausing and waiting for the other party to speak. "Yeah, it probably was Wanda." I could only imagine the look of horror on Wanda's face. "That's true, I do live down that dark dirt path from your house…" The boy was egging us on.

"It's not Carlos," Phoebe whispered. Wanda drew her finger across her throat, telling Phoebe to shut up.

"It speaks again." Not-Carlos said. The footsteps were moving closer. I could almost hear Wanda thinking "What are we going to do? What are we going to do? What are we going to _do_?" as well as Keesha's "Oh bad, oh bad, oh bad, bad, _bad!_"

_According to my research_, I thought mockingly, _we shouldn't even be here._

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" The voice taunted. I could clearly see the (fake?) panic on Wanda's face and Phoebe trying to inconspicuously shimmy further up the pine tree.

"Ow!" She whispered loudly.

"Found 'em," Not-Carlos cried. Keesha and I looked at each other.

"We're dead." She mouthed. I nodded seriously.

"Yeah, there's more than just Wanda. You know what that means." Not-Carlos said. I could hear another voice in the distance.

"It's got to be all four of 'em." I thought it said.

"Probably. Girls get dumber in large numbers." I expected Wanda to jump out of the tree and start beating the crap out of Not-Carlos. A second set of footsteps – this set running, approached our hideout. "Sorry, I lost reception." It was Ralphie, as expected.

"I don't think this is what they mean when they say 'chasing girls,'" the first boy said. I squinted through the leaves, but couldn't see anyone. He was behind Phoebe's tree.

"Hey, Wanda, I just realized I need my hat." Ralphie called. "I know you're here somewhere." Then a light flooded the area.

"Since when did Ralphie get smart enough to bring a flashlight?" I thought. I had a feeling the other three girls were thinking the same thing.

"Wanda?" Ralphie asked.

"Get down here, you weasly wimp!" The other boy laughed. It was Tim. We were in Tim's backyard.

"Make me!" Wanda cried.

"Wanda!" Phoebe protested.

"Phoebe?" Tim asked. Ralphie looked around with the flashlight.

"It's got to be all of them." Ralphie reasoned. "It's good we caught them now, because this reeks of slumber party."

"Oh, that would have been bad." Tim said, sounding like he'd just prevented World War III.

"I'm sure we can be reasonable about this!" I protested. Keesha inched away from me.

"I don't negotiate with hedges!" Tim cried. Ralphie laughed. I couldn't help cracking a smile myself.

"Look, we just tried to… run away from Ralphie. We were going to my house and got tired." I explained.

"Can I have my hat back?" Ralphie asked.

"Can you guys stop hiding?" Tim countered.

I stood up and left my hiding place, the branches of the juniper (or whatever it was) scratching my bare legs. Keesha followed, looking ashamed. Wanda descended from her tree.

"Where's Phoebe?" Tim asked, grabbing Ralphie's flashlight and looking around. I laughed.

"I can't get down," Phoebe whimpered. "I'm afraid I'll break my leg."

"Why did you climb a _pine tree_?" Ralphie asked.

"She's Phoebe." Wanda explained to Tim, who smiled. Ralphie nodded.

"Seriously, guys, help me down!" Phoebe cried.

"I don't know…" Tim said.

"Right," Ralphie ran away.

"Where's he going?" Keesha asked.

"Doesn't he want his hat?" Wanda lifted it up.

"Don't leave me!" Phoebe protested.

"We're not going anywhere!" I assured her. "It's just Ralphie that left."

"Yeah, who needs him?" Keesha folded her arms.

"I need him to take away this disgusting hat." Wanda held it between her thumb and forefinger. "I never realized how gross it was until I was stuck up in the tree with it."

"Where did he go?" I asked Tim firmly.

"I'm not his keeper. He can do what he wants!" Tim insisted.

"Don't play dumb with me! I know you know what he's doing!" I narrowed my eyes.

"I seriously don't know!" Tim cried. "Maybe he's getting a camera or something."

"Liar." Wanda whispered.

"Am not!" Tim folded his arms.

"Can we just stop fighting and help Phoebe down?" Keesha sighed. "Are you okay up there?"

"I think I got sap all over my hands." Phoebe replied. "And maybe in my hair."

"You can take a bath at my house," I offered.

"Maybe you should've stayed home today." Ralphie cried mockingly, running back.

"You didn't…" Keesha gasped.

"Didn't what?" It was Arnold.

"He did." Wanda sighed.

"Did what?" Carlos asked. Great, the party was complete. "So are we calling the fire department?"

"I'm not a cat!" Phoebe insisted.

"I was kidding!" Carlos cried.

"Your jokes suck!" Phoebe said with a vehemence that was hilarious.

"Fine, see if I help you then!" Carlos retorted.

"No, she's right." Arnold said sincerely.

"Some friend you are!"

"Guys, can we just get her down and then we can fight?" Keesha offered.

"But it's so much more fun to have her in the tree." Tim was disappointed.

"Speak for yourself!" Phoebe cried.

"Okay, I'll guide you down." Arnold offered. I looked at Keesha and smiled. "Move down to that branch on your right – now hold on to it with your hands and put your left foot on a branch a few feet below you – how did you climb that high?"

"Tim found us." Wanda explained.

"Okay, now get on to that branch you have your foot on."

"What if I fall?"

"You won't fall."

"Ah, young love." Carlos mused smugly.

"Will you shut up?" Arnold snapped. Eyebrows raised. Realizing Phoebe was still in peril, Arnold continued guiding her down.

"So…" Carlos began. "What brings you to this side of the neighborhood?"

"Wanda wanted to borrow a hat from Ralphie." I tried.

"And so she went in through the window?" Carlos raised an eyebrow. _Why is he asking me?_

"She didn't go in – she just _tried_."

"So it was a dare then?"

"Yeah," I sighed. It was obvious.

"Man, I've done much better escaping from dares than you guys have." He boasted.

"Sure you have." I countered.

"Put it this way: I still have your physics book." Carlos smirked. I could feel my blood boil.

"Where is it?" I demanded.

"Oh, I don't know…" Carlos mused.

"Give it to me!" I shouted.

"Honestly, DA, I didn't know you wanted me _that_ badly." Carlos grinned. I tried to hide my embarrassment by pushing him. He fell to the ground. "Wow, I'm impressed."

"Where's my book?" I demanded.

"Lean in and I'll tell you." He said. I wasn't going to fall for it, but he was smiling so innocently. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the ground.

"Why did I fall for that?" I asked.

"You wanted to." Carlos grinned. Damn he was cute, not to mention right in my face. I realized that I'd been staring when his smile faded. It had taken me so long to respond.

"Maybe I did?" I said shyly. And before I knew it, Carlos had kissed me.

Unfortunately, it was in front of all of my friends.

"I TOLD YOU THE OUIJA BOARD DOESN'T LIE!" Wanda cried out.

"You know what this means, right?" Keesha raised an eyebrow at Phoebe, who was about to jump out of the tree. This made her change her mind.

"What?" Arnold asked.

"Oh, nothing." Wanda said innocently. "Come on, Pheebs, jump!"

"Catch me!" She cried as she let go, squinting her eyes closed. She landed in Ralphie's arms, nearly knocking him down.

"Well that was unexpected." Keesha said to Wanda.

"Good thing DA and Carlos are nice and predictable." Wanda smirked at me.

"I hate you." I said.

"I know, and I love you too." Wanda grinned.


	3. Ralphie 2002

Firsts - Ralphie

December 31, 2001

A New Years' Eve party isn't supposed to involve me staring down the face of evil - Wanda - who wanted to kill me.

"YOU DID WHAT?!" She cried. I'd never seen her this angry. Tim looked at me sympathetically - at least I hoped it was sympathy. Arnold was surprised and I saw vague disappointment on his face. Carlos was trying very hard to hide a complicated mix of feelings. All the girls, even Wanda, had some degree of "I'm going to cry" written on their foreheads. DA was studying her shoes; Keesha was shaking her head and gritting her teeth. Phoebe looked shocked and I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. Good old Phoebe, always the first to cry. Wanda was shaking.

"It - I'm sorry." I realized it sounded more like a question than an apology, neither of which were an explanation, which is what Wanda wanted. "Do we have to do this here?"

"Yes." Carlos gritted his teeth. Phoebe put an arm around Keesha.

"Why aren't you asking her?" I spat out. Wrong answer.

"Because I'm asking you!" Wanda fumed. I sighed. It was the best answer I could get.

"Fine." I sighed. "It was last spring. We were studying for the US history test at my house and it just happened."

"Last spring?" Keesha squealed. Phoebe pulled her closer and started to glare at me. "How could you not tell me?"

"It - it was a mistake!" DA answered. "I thought it would be best if you never even found out."

"So now I'm a mistake?" I asked angrily. I knew nothing would pan out between us, but I didn't like being likened to her anathema.

"You knew it just as well as I did." DA scowled.

"You _bitch_!" Keesha cried and ran outside. The door slammed behind her. I stared at the door and wished I'd never been born.

Phoebe stood up and muttered something before following Keesha. Honestly, I didn't care where Phoebe was going. I figured she hated me like everyone else.

"I hope you're proud of yourself." Wanda was in my face. I was seriously afraid she'd spit on me.

"It's not all his fault," DA started.

"So now you're protecting him?" Carlos demanded. "I'm leaving."

"Carlos, don't." She ran up the stairs after him. "You're the one who dumped _me,_" I heard her say as she left.

I wondered how the other two guys would get disgusted enough to leave. I knew Arnold had liked DA, but not like Carlos had. Tim was too laid-back to seem to get involved in anything, and Wanda was too high-strung to not get involved.

"I'm sorry, I really am." I said sincerely. I was sorry. I'd just ruined the group that'd been together for seven years by kissing the wrong girl. It wasn't even that big of a deal. It was super awkward and short and the result of a stupid day-long infatuation with her. "I didn't even really like her like that."

"You didn't?" Tim asked. Oh shit, now Tim decides to be less laid back. "Then why—"

I interrupted, "Okay, I did, but it was only for a day. I got this feeling that she liked me and before I knew it, we'd kissed and I think we both wanted to throw up." I wanted to throw up again just thinking about it. It wasn't that DA was gross or anything, it was just so wrong.

"At least you felt like throwing up." Arnold tried.

"Yeah, but the fact that they didn't totally hit it off is only going to put a small dent in," Tim gestured around, trying to find the word, "this."

Wanda sighed. Arnold made a "now what?" face. Tim stared off into space. I felt cornered and betrayed – although I knew I had been the traitor. I watched the clock for all of thirty eternal seconds before I heard the door open softly. Keesha came back in and sat down on the floor. Her arms were folded firmly. She was pissed. Phoebe closed the door quietly and sat down next to Keesha.

"Keesha, I'm sorry." I said, trying to look her in the eye, which she was avoiding.

"Then why did you do it?" She asked, still not looking at me.

"I got this dumb idea - that I probably made up - that she liked me." There was nothing I could do and I knew it, but that wasn't stopping me from blabbering on. "I mean, right when it happened I wished it hadn't."

"He even felt like throwing up." Arnold added.

"Shut up," Tim hissed.

"Well that's just great." Keesha rolled her eyes at Arnold. "And that makes things better? I really thought you were better than that." She said to me. "I'm glad I found out now." And with that, she left.

No one would talk to anyone for the rest of winter break. I was afraid of going back to school, where I had classes with them.

I would get online to find most of my friends "offline," which meant they'd blocked me. I still knew their schedules. I broke our group; I needed to fix it. I sat down and started gushing out a stupid letter to Keesha. I wanted to write something that would make her change her mind, but there weren't words that could do that.

_Dear Keesha,_

_I was stupid. I _

I couldn't find the words.

_I never should have kissed your best friend_. _Oh wow, I never knew I was such an asshole._

_She was right, it was a mistake. I guess I didn't want to be called a mistake, but I forfeited that when I was one. I hope that made sense._

_Anyway, I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I mean, it's been really lonesome without you_

Have I been watching too many soap operas?

_On the other hand, if you want to beat me up, please do. I deserve it. _

At least maybe I'd see her again.

_I promise not to press charges._

I shouldn't put that in there - it's too "we're still friends."

_Anyway, I'm sorry._

Didn't I say that already?

_And I want you to know that I've been sorry for almost a year now because I wish it hadn't been DA. I really_

Okay, time to be vulnerable. I might as well put it all out there so I wouldn't have to be crushed twice. I was giving her a chance to do this in one fell swoop.

_I really like you - and that's why I knew it was a mistake. I was just being stupid because you'd been hanging out with Arnold. It was never supposed to happen. Anyway, I understand if I just made you want to throw up because I'm such a jerk and now I'm being creepy too. I guess I've realized how much I actually care about you like that._

Get this over with, Tennelli. You still have to bring it to her house.

January 1, 2002

Dear Keesha,

I was stupid.

I never should have kissed your best friend. I realize now that that makes me sound like I'm a real asshole, and I'm sorry about that (being an asshole).

She was right, it was a mistake. I guess I didn't want to be called a mistake, but I forfeited that when I was one. I hope that made sense.

Anyway, I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I mean, it's been really lonesome without you On the other hand, if you want to beat me up, please do. I deserve it. I promise not to press charges.

Anyway, I'm sorry.

And I want you to know that I've been sorry for almost a year now because I wish it hadn't been DA. I really like you - and that's why I knew it was a mistake. I was just being stupid because you'd been hanging out with Arnold. It was never supposed to happen. Anyway, I understand if I just made you want to throw up because I'm such a jerk and now I'm being creepy too. I guess I've realized how much I actually care about you like that and I wish there was something I could do to make this up to you.

Your friend,

Love,

Sorry I was such a jerk.

Ralphie

p.s. thanks for reading this letter. I was afraid you'd throw it away.

I had hoped to hear back from her sooner, but nothing came that hour. I hated my impatience, which had led me to calling Carlos.

"Carlos, I'm sorry about the thing with DA." I said quickly. I was getting good at this apologizing thing.

"Man, you know I still like her." He sighed.

"Sorry. I just – I swear I won't do it again." I replied awkwardly. "I can guarantee you that."

"Yeah," Carlos still sounded angry, but I knew he wouldn't last too much longer.

"You should ask her out or something." I offered. "Maybe patch things up. It's a new year and all."

"Like that'll work," he scoffed. "I live in the _real_ world, Ralphie."

"Oh." I didn't have anything else to say. "Well, if you want to go skiing later or something, just give me a call."

"Sure thing." Carlos hung up.

I apologized all afternoon, to DA ("I didn't want it to happen like this either, let's put it behind us,"), to Arnold ("Do you hate me or what? Please don't hate me,"), to Tim ("Seriously, man, I didn't think it would upset you – yeah, I know it's not about you, but – yeah, I'm sorry,"), to Wanda's voicemail ("Hi Wanda it's Ralphie please don't kill me because I'm really sorry about DA call me if you aren't pissed anymore okay bye"), and to Phoebe ("You weren't mad? Oh, don't be disappointed, that's _worse_… no, I'm working things out with everyone…"). I couldn't bring myself to call Keesha. What would I say?

"Hi, I was wondering if you've received, read, and thoughtfully considered the letter I dropped off for you an hour ago."

"Keesha, it's me. I'm not stalking you or anything, but – yeah, I know it seems like I am."

"Please don't hang up on me this time!"

"I wanted to be kissing you, not DA."

I couldn't believe I was capable of such mush. I turned on a football game to assure myself of my manliness, but I couldn't concentrate. I reached for the phone, and another group of stupid things to say…

"Remember that time you were in me?"

I could think of several other ones involving fumbling and tackling… and touchdowns… Oh my hell. Now I was pathetic and horny. At times like this, I just go to bed. I looked at the clock. It was 3:30 in the afternoon. Nap time.

I woke up to the phone ringing. I grabbed the receiver. "Hello?" I asked drowsily.

"Ralphie?"

"Yeah?" I perked up immediately. My heart raced.

"It's Wanda." Damn.

"Oh hi! Sorry, I was asleep." I started explaining.

"Hey, I got your message," leave it to Wanda to not apologize from waking me from a nap, "and I'm not mad. I mean, it seems like you apologized to everyone." _Oh shit, that means she knows Keesha got the letter. Had Wanda read it? Had everyone read it? Was it in the newspaper? Shit…_

"Yeah, it was pretty dumb." I said quietly. "I don't want it to mess up our group of friends, you know?"

"You're such a softie!" Wanda laughed. It reminded me of the several times I'd tried to chicken out of Ms. Frizzle's field trips only to have Wanda yank me back away from the bus (my usual hiding place).

"So you've checked with everyone?" I asked warily.

"Yeah, I had to make sure you weren't just avoiding an ass-whooping."

"Well I'm doing that too." I smiled weakly. "I mean, I know that Phoebe looks skinny, but I bet she could kick my ass if she was angry enough."

"I doubt it." Wanda said. "Anyway, we're all having pizza down at Godfather's in a few minutes. You should come."

"I should?" I asked. Wow, this was fast.

"Ralphie, I know you have no patience. You want things back to normal now."

"So?" I answered. "That doesn't mean it'll happen."

"Then MAKE it happen." Wanda insisted. "So I'll see you down here soon."

"Okay,"

"You _are_ coming, right?" Wanda asked.

"Yes." I said. "I'm putting my shoes on now." Good thing I fell asleep in my clothes.

"Good. Get your ass down here." Wanda hung up. I smiled. Good old Wanda, always so bossy and bitchy and so lovable. I sniffed my shirt to make sure it didn't smell, then changed it for good measure. I looked at myself in the mirror. _Same old pathetic looking Ralphie_, I thought. I'd lost some weight, but was still built big. It didn't help that I was making a pathetic face. I took a deep breath, put my hat on, got my wallet and keys and a coat, and headed downstairs. _Wait, since when do I care about what I look like?_

"I'm going out for pizza with my friends, Mom," I called.

"When will you be back?" She asked. "Do you have your phone?"

"That's right…" I ran back upstairs and grabbed my cell phone – it was still sort of new, so I was getting used to it. I came back downstairs. "I'll be back by midnight or so. I'll call you if something happens."

"Good." My mom smiled at me. "Are you going to kiss your mother goodbye?"

"Mom," I groaned, kissed her on the cheek, and ran outside, nearly slipping and falling on my ass on the front walk. There was just enough ice on the ground to make my life miserable.

"_Yeah, sorry I couldn't make it to Godfather's, I broke my ass." _ I imagined myself telling my friends.

Maybe if I was in the hospital Keesha would come visit me. I didn't let myself dream about that one too much. I hopped in my truck, put it in reverse, and carefully backed out of the driveway. It was a little cold outside, but I wasn't too concerned about that. My hands were cold. I was scared. _This is just another time we're having pizza. Nothing is different. I've had pizza since I kissed DA with everyone, and it's fine. Everything will be back to normal, just like Wanda said. _

I wish I believed it. I opened the door and considered bolting. This time I was more serious about it; I could feel my legs beginning to itch to run. I repeated that I'd look even stupider if I ran away. _Grin and bear it,_ I said, clenching my teeth. I reached for the handle of the door, half-expecting someone to run through it and knock me to the ground. Instead, it opened like it had a thousand times before. I saw my friends at our usual spot in the corner. The entire room didn't turn to look at me.

"Ralphie!" Carlos cried, "Over here!"

"I see you, man," I sighed and went over there, afraid to look around. So Wanda and Carlos were speaking to me. That's good. I know I'd talked to pretty much everyone on the phone, but… it was different. In person is a whole different ballgame.

I got to thinking, _if she cared so much about what I did, why didn't she just tell me? She's the assertive one, not me. She's the one who invited me into that air pressure capsule with her. She's the one with the guts. _I kept walking on toward them. Just after I thought it, I realized that she'd pretty much told me already, especially after this whole ordeal. I sighed. _There's no way out of it._

"Hey," I said as I reached the table. I was acknowledged as usual by everyone else, but I was focused on Keesha. She knew this, I knew this, everyone knew this. They left me a spot next to her. She didn't look at me, but she didn't look mad either. I couldn't say anything. We both talked and laughed with everyone else, through ordering, through drinks, through pizza. I never found the right moment or the right words. Things with DA were just fine, things with Keesha were okay – they seemed okay, anyway. After we'd finished most of the eating, I made myself do it.

"I – did you get my letter?" I asked abruptly. She looked over at me and smiled weakly. I remembered all that I'd ever put her through – we seemed to be always at odds. Maybe if she put up with all that, she'd give me a break. On the other hand, maybe it was the last straw.

"Yeah," she replied. "You know, I used to have this picture on my dresser of us – I took it down after New Years'." _Okay, why is she telling me this?_ "I was going to throw it away and then my grandma brought me your letter."

"So you didn't throw it away?" I asked. I'm an expert at stupid questions.

"No. I didn't throw your letter away either." She smirked. "You were a total asshole to keep that from all of us, but that was your choice." I sighed. Things weren't looking good. "But admitting to it and admitting you regret it is a lot more than some people would do, and being sorry for it is more than most. She stopped.

"So… am I in deep shit or not?" I asked. Stupid question? Maybe, but I had to know.

"Only if you ever do that again," I swear I saw her face warm up. She grinned. "Oh, and you're welcome for reading the letter."

"I figured if you got that far you deserved thanks," I smiled. I wanted to kiss her, but didn't know if it would work, "so… you aren't angry?"

"I was," Keesha answered. _Past tense is good._ "I tried hating you, but I couldn't. The letter was really sweet. It made me smile – I could hear you saying it all, and I realized I can't hate you at all. I just wish you would've written it sooner."

"And under better circumstances." I added.

"Like that time you had to make something in home ec and you made me a Quiche Lorraine because it 'had my name on it'? Or when you were totally wrong about vampires and made me think my grandma was going to sleep in a box? Or…" She listed.

"Or any of those times, sure." I interrupted. "The quiche was funny though."

"It was burnt. It was rubbery. It was disgusting." She argued.

"But it was _funny_!" I insisted. "Carlos, was the Quiche Lorraine in seventh grade funny?"

"It's a groaner, Ralphie," Carlos laughed and reached over to high-five me. "I couldn't have thought of a better one myself." 

"See?" I said to Keesha, who rolled her eyes. At least we were back to normal. "Do you want me to make you an 'I'm sorry' quiche?" I couldn't help laughing. "No, I'm sorry, Keesh, I just – it's too funny!"

"It is not!" She argued.

"Is so!" I replied. Ah, our intellectual debates…

"Is not!"

"Is –" I was interrupted. I could feel all eyes on me and Keesha, who apparently had planted a big "shut up" kiss on me. Things weren't back to normal after all. I was glad.

"Is not." She smiled after pulling away. "I win."

"Think what you want, it's hilarious." I argued. I felt something burn in my mouth.

"What's the matter, Ralphie?" Carlos asked mischievously. He was holding the pepper shaker.

"What the hell?" Keesha demanded. I grabbed a glass of water and started flushing my mouth out frantically.

"He salted your heads." Arnold explained. "You know, while you were… occupied."

"You mean there's more?" I asked, reaching up to brush my head. Large flecks of pepper fell on the table. "You suck, Carlos."

"Only when you suck face in public." He retorted.

"I'm going to put salt in your coke." I vowed.

"I'm never leaving my drink unattended." He answered. "Thanks for the warning. I was just trying to spice things up a bit."

"That was bad." I rolled my eyes. "But I will have my revenge. You never know when my counterattack will occur."

"Whatever." Carlos shrugged. "Try me."

"So, when's the wedding?" Phoebe asked mischievously.

"Hey, wait – " I started.

"Turnabout's fair play." She smiled.

"Fine, then buy me a milkshake." Keesha retorted. Phoebe being Phoebe, she actually got up and went to the counter.

"And get Ralphie some quiche – I don't think he's had enough!" Tim added, much to the delight of everyone else.

"I think he's got enough on his hands." Phoebe smiled at me. I blushed.

"Okay, I admit the quiche was disgusting." I said to Keesha. "Now will you admit that it's funny?"

"Maybe when we have something else to argue about." She smiled.

Soon after, we started arguing over who made the first move. At last, Quiche Lorraine was officially funny to the person it was always meant to amuse.


	4. Tim 1997

March 30, 1997

The good news was that I had survived the first three quarters of seventh grade. The bad news was that the worst was yet to come. I had just come from art to my last class: health. I sat next to Arnold and Carlos, as usual, and joined the normal conversation about gym and sports, only to be shushed by the usual DA.

"You guys, we should so have a pool party over spring break at my house." Wanda said.

"Yeah, that would be awesome!" Keesha added.

"My swimsuit makes me look fat." Carlos mocked girls in general.

"You make you look fat." DA countered.

"Ahem, that sounds like a great idea," Arnold offered. He's good at peacemaking missions like this. He's been friends with Wanda long enough to know how to mend arguments.

"Yeah, I'm in." I added. "I'll even bring a t-shirt to hide Carlos' fat." I gauged the mediocre reaction to my joke.

"Carlos isn't fat!" DA argued.

"She loves me." Carlos mouthed to us.

"You two are sick. Get a room!" Ralphie demanded.

"We can barbecue or something – my mom's good with the grill." Wanda continued, totally ignoring DA and Carlos' bantering.

"I can bring a salad." Phoebe offered.

"I'll bring chips." I added. Despite the fact that I knew Arnold was practically in love with Phoebe, I couldn't help but find her irresistibly cute in a girl-next-door kind of way. The thought of her in a swimsuit wasn't that bad either, especially since her more developed friends would also be in theirs. _What am I thinking? They're my friends, not some sex objects!_

The bell rang.

"I'm sure you've all been waiting for this." Ms. Johnson, the health teacher, said while pacing up and down the front of the room. As glad as I was to have class with all seven of my best friends for once (Keesha and Wanda had devised some sort of ingenious schedule-changing plan), things were about to be awkward for the rest of our lives. "And with spring in the air, there's no better time to talk about it. Now I need you all to take these forms home to your parents. If they don't sign off, you have to write a twenty-page paper, so I suggest you don't forge anything." She narrowed her eyes and handed out the forms explaining that we were about to watch movies that weren't rated G, which was normally a good thing, but this was health class.

We'd covered everything: nutrition, illness, eating disorders, exercise, fitness, drugs… there was only sex left, the one topic I didn't want to talk about with the people I'd been everywhere with.

"You know, I used to wish we could take field trips for history and stuff," Phoebe mused. "But I'm SO glad we aren't taking one now."

"Yeah, I'm really glad we're not exploring the menstrual cycle." Wanda added. I almost puked – and I could tell the other guys wanted to as well.

"Or STDs." DA added, matter-of-factly.

"Or…" Phoebe started, but couldn't finish it.

"Sex?" Keesha asked.

"I still think the period would be worst. I mean, whose uterus would we explore?" Wanda mused.

"We've already been inside a chicken." Arnold remarked.

"Yeah, well we were in the chicken's-" Carlos had the look on his face he got when he finally understood something, along with the look that he really didn't want to know.

"Hey, better some random chick's than mine." Keesha remarked snarkily.

"Can we not talk about that? It's gross." Ralphie said, just loudly enough for Ms. Johnson to overhear.

"It isn't gross! It's natural – and you're going to have to deal with it sooner or later, Ralph!" All eyes were on him. "Besides, most of you should have learned this before, if you ask me. Some of you are obviously in the middle of puberty; it's only fair that you learn about it." Ralphie blushed and I could almost hear him wishing he'd just vanish. Fortunately, Ms. Johnson moved on. "First we're going to talk about the less controversial aspects of puberty." The longest hour of my life followed those words. We proceeded to learn about hormones, pimples, and disgusting body hair. She promised more exciting things next time, after the forms were returned.

"That wasn't so bad," DA said after class. "I thought it was supposed to be the most awkward part of my life, but it wasn't."

"She hasn't even warmed up yet, DA," Carlos said fearfully, his voice fluctuating a little more than normal. "From what I've heard, she's crazy. She starts shouting the names of body parts…"

"So?" Keesha raised an eyebrow. "What's the big deal about that?"

"It's embarrassing," Wanda, of all people, said. She and Phoebe seemed to be the token girls to be humiliated in the group. Keesha and DA were trying out their maturity.

"Stop being so immature about it," DA sighed.

"I don't wanna." Wanda argued. "Don't we have band practice, Phoebe?"

Phoebe said something under her breath. "Yeah, let's go," Keesha added. "See you guys later!"

The three girls headed down the hall to band, leaving DA with us. "What are you staring at?" She asked.

"Nothing." We replied. I was definitely not noticing that Keesha was developing quite a figure, especially when she walked next to lanky Phoebe. Wanda didn't seem so tomboyish anymore either.

"Look, it's okay for you guys to have… feelings." She lectured.

"Don't start lecturing us!" Arnold demanded. "We'll do what we want!"

"I know it's hard to deal with, and I know that boys mature at a later age than girls, but I thought you guys were smart and mature enough to handle this!" She shook her head.

"Geez, what are you, on your period?" Carlos whined. DA promptly smacked him across the face.

"Grow up!" She insisted again. Little did she know that juvenile joking around was the next stage of maturity for boys.

"Did you do anything fun at school today, Tim?" My mom asked. I grumbled something about her having to sign a form for health as I dropped my backpack on the table.

"I'll be in my room." I said. I didn't know what I was going to do there, but I didn't want to be around any girls now, not even my mom. Especially not my mom. I'd had some basic "birds and the bees" talks before, and I knew the gist of it – most of it was "things I don't want to know about my parents." I had finally won the battle to get a computer in my room, and I logged on. Before I knew it, I was assaulted by pop-up IM windows.

SMRTblonde: hey Tim  
Timinator2000: hi DA  
SMRTblonde: I hope you're mature enough to realize we're still having this pool party.  
Timinator2000: We are?  
SMRTblonde: Stop listening to Carlos and Ralphie! Grow up!  
Timinator2000: it's just AWKWARD, okay?

(Keesha changed DA's AIM nickname before it was registered so it'd say "smrt" – genius)

Soccergenius83: are they trying to torture us?  
Timinator2000: who, DA?  
Soccergenius83: I think it's some kind of evil experiment  
Timinator2000: I don't want to know  
Soccergenius83: male reactions to scantily-clad spandexed females.  
Timinator2000: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW  
Soccergenius83: dude, you do too. You do have a dick, right?  
Timinator2000: what you wanna see?  
Soccergenius83: NO  
Timinator2000: it would be an experiment

SuperWanda: so guess what?  
Timinator2000: what?  
Phoebetortellini: hi guys, it's Phoebe. I have no idea what's going on.  
KeeshatheGreat: Tortellini? I thought that said Tennelli  
SuperWanda: I got Pheebs online!  
Timinator2000: sweet  
Soccergenius83: way to go pheebs!  
Phoebetortellini: thanks… Carlos?  
Soccergenius83: see, Phoebe knows I'm a genius.  
SMRTblonde: you're the only soccer player, dork.  
wikkedkool: soccer is for losers  
soccergenius83: I have bigger balls than you  
superwanda: TMI! TMI!  
Phoebetortellini: I'm lost…  
SMRTblonde: scroll up  
SuperWanda: yay me! I got Phoebe online!  
Timinator2000: yay Wanda!  
Soccergenius2003: yeah Wanda!  
Phoebetortellini: ew Carlos, I don't want to know.  
Wikkedkool: um, is it just me, or does Phoebe's name look like mine?  
SMRTblonde: yeah, it does.  
KeeshatheGreat: I JUST SAID THAT!  
Soccergenius83: poor Keesha never gets credit for what she does…  
KeeshatheGreat: damn right I don't  
SuperWanda: it looks like you two are married!  
Phoebetortellini: can you see what I'm typing?  
SMRTblonde: yes  
Soccergenius83: yeah  
Timinator2000: yeah  
KeeshatheGreat: yes… can you?  
SuperWanda: is your font set to white?  
SMRTblonde: lol  
wikkedkool: is your monitor on?  
Soccergenius83: duh, she couldn't see this if her monitor's off.  
Timinator2000: that's like asking "is the power out?"  
SuperWanda: ROFL  
Phoebetortellini: HELLO?!  
SMRTblonde: oh no, I told her to scroll up!  
Phoebetortellini: CAN ANYONE READ THIS?  
SMRTblonde: brb!  
_SMRTblonde has left the conversation_  
Wikkedkool: LMAO! Pheebs is so …  
SuperWanda: hang on a sec, don't finish that…  
_arnrocks has joined the conversation_  
arnrocks: hi everyone  
Timinator2000: lol, you were saying, ralphie?  
wikkedkool: saying what?  
arnrocks: I'm lost.  
_Phoebetortellini has left the conversation_  
arnrocks: is that really Phoebe?  
SuperWanda: wouldn't YOU like to know  
KeeshatheGreat: oooh!  
Timinator2000: of course he would  
Soccergenius83: he wants her!  
arnrocks: what if I do?  
arnrocks: … what if I do want to know  
wikkedkool: LMAO  
Timinator2000: ROFL  
SuperWanda: high-fives for Carlos!  
arnrocks: I DIDN'T MEAN THAT!  
_atmyoldschool has joined the conversation_  
atmyoldschool: hi  
SuperWanda: PHEEBS!  
KeeshatheGreat: you used the name I wanted you to! Yay!  
atmyoldschool: how did you know it was me?  
wikkedkool: well…  
soccergenius83: according to my research, you say that ALL THE TIME. Is it just me, or does Phoebe say that all the time?  
atmyoldschool: I WAS JOKING  
KeeshatheGreat: (everyone now) CARLOS!  
wikkedkool: CARLOS!  
Atmyoldschool: CARLOS!  
Arnrocks: CARLOS!  
Timinator2000: CARLOS!  
SuperWanda: CARLOS!  
_SMRTblonde has joined the conversation_  
KeeshatheGreat: DA, say "CARLOS!"  
SMRTblonde: CARLOS! (why did I do that?)  
Soccergenius83: ME!  
SMRTblonde: oh, he made a joke.  
SuperWanda: what tipped you off?  
KeeshatheGreat: I did – PM with super-fast typing skills!  
atmyoldschool: pm? Post-mortem?  
Arnrocks: LOL  
wikkedkool: will someone please introduce Phoebe to the internet?  
KeeshatheGreat: ARNOLD! Arnold will!  
Soccergenius83: yes, Arnold will  
Timinator2000: yes.  
Arnrocks: fine.  
atmyoldschool: gotta go – dinner's ready bye!  
_atmyoldschool has left the conversation_  
Timinator2000: … it's 4:30.  
Arnrocks: see what you all did?  
wikkedkool: made her eat early?  
KeeshatheGreat: LOL  
SMRTblonde: you guys, I hope health class doesn't make our group all awkward. I like being like this.  
Soccergenius83: thanks for making this conversation awkward, DA  
SMRTblonde: I did not!  
Soccergenius83: did too!  
SuperWanda: I'm with Carlos  
Timinator2000: me too  
wikkedkool: me three  
soccergenius83: me four  
SMRTblonde: you can't "me four," Carlos  
Arnrocks: me five… or four  
KeeshatheGreat: me five/six  
KeeshatheGreat: phoebe seven  
Soccergenius83: I WIN!  
SMRTblonde: seriously, guys, I just want us to stay friends while things change, that's all.  
SuperWanda: and we like to pretend things won't.  
Timinator2000: boys are supposed to be all juvenile about this stuff. It's actually mature for us.  
SMRTblonde: give me a break  
wikkedkool: did you miss that in your research?  
KeeshatheGreat: let's not talk about DA's research into puberty and reproduction  
Soccergenius83: I don't know, that sounds kinda hot  
_SMRTblonde has left the conversation_  
Arnrocks: NOT MY FAULT

My mom called me down to dinner. She and Dad have always been supportive of me, which I realize most parents wouldn't do when their son could be interested in science or business or something that wasn't art. My parents were artsy too, though, so I guess it's to be expected.

"I see you brought home something for us to sign." My dad said as I sat down.

"Can we please not talk about that at dinner?" I looked at my plate and pushed the mashed potatoes around with my fork.

"If not now, when?" Mom asked.

"I don't know. Later."

"Sorry, that won't fly." Dad answered. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens to everyone. It happened to –"

"I don't want to hear about it!" I cried, slamming my fork down and standing up. "I don't want to know about you growing body hair. I don't want to hear about where babies come from!"

"Tim." My mother said firmly. "Sit down and calm down. Your hormones are getting out of whack."

"I don't want to talk about my hormones!" I didn't sit.

"TIM." My mother repeated. "Don't make this harder than it has to be."

I sighed. She had a good point, so I sat down and made sure I looked like I felt as miserable as I felt.

"So are you going to sign the paper?" I asked an hour later.

"Sure." My dad said as he took his plate to the kitchen. My food was cold and slightly more appetizing than I thought it would be after the conversation I just had. I wolfed it down quickly, in case nausea swept over me.

"Can I go to my room?" I offered.

"Clear the table first." My mom said. "Did you do your homework?"

"It's done." I said.

I thought about talking to my friends again as I put the steak into a plastic container. I hated that conversation I just had, but still, it wasn't as bad as I thought. Now if only I didn't have to hear it for the next two weeks straight, life would be good. At least until the pool party. _Maybe Carlos is right; maybe it is just a cruel experiment_.

I went up to my room after I was finished. I looked in the mirror at my face – which wasn't sprouting manly facial hair, but zits instead. I wondered what I'd look like with a goatee, but knew I wouldn't find out for several years. At least all the icky stuff would be out of the way by then. Sure, it was normal, but it wasn't for me. I was used to being a kid. I could go on doing it for the rest of my life if I had my way. Things were fine. I couldn't help but thinking how Carlos felt. I mean, he and DA were sort of going out for a year now, but that was more as kids, at least on his part. I wondered how many of the girls had their periods already. I wondered why I wanted to know. I sat at my computer. DA was online.

Timinator2000: sorry I was so immature before, it's just weird.SMRTblonde: it's okay – I know it's weird. It is for me too, honestly.  
Timinator2000: I bet. I know I don't want to hear about girls bleeding monthly; I'm sure you feel the same about … guys.  
SMRTblonde: the idea of my four guy friends thinking about sex constantly is disturbing, yes.  
Timinator2000: it's not all the time  
SMRTblonde: if you're thinking about it now, I'll kill you  
Timinator2000: don't you ever think about it?  
SMRTblonde: not really  
Timinator2000: oh  
SMRTblonde: sometimes, but I … don't really know what I'm thinking about  
Timinator2000: so you haven't seen porn or anything?  
SMRTblonde: you have?  
Timinator2000: I can't believe I'm having this conversation.  
SMRTblonde: me either.  
SMRTblonde: but thanks for being so mature, Tim. You're a good guy. You'd make a great boyfriend.  
Timinator2000: um, thanks?  
SMRTblonde: I didn't mean anything by that, honest.  
Timinator2000: lol it's okay, I know what you meant.  
SMRTblonde: I don't like you like that.  
Timinator2000: the feeling is mutual – you're awesome, but not like that.  
SMRTblonde: good. I'm glad you're mature enough to talk about this. I'm about to give up on Carlos.  
Timinator2000: he's dealing with it in his way  
SMRTblonde: but his way is STUPID.  
Timinator2000: are you sure things are so different between you two?  
SMRTblonde: lol, it doesn't seem like it, but I don't think he's ready for a relationship  
SMRTblonde: I don't know if I am, I'm 13!  
Timinator2000: good point. Maybe when you guys are like 15  
SMRTblonde: seriously, Tim  
Timinator2000: what?  
SMRTblonde: nothing.

"Are you ready?" I asked Ralphie nervously. He looked around, slightly panicky.

"We still have two minutes." Arnold said weakly.

"Class never killed anyone." Carlos rolled his eyes.

"At least it's a short period, right?" Arnold signed.

"Yeah, but did you forget why?" Ralphie exclaimed. "The… dance. Thing."

"I'd rather be dancing than learning about girl-parts." Carlos opened the door to the classroom, nearly knocking Arnold out with it.

"Watch it!" Arnold jumped.

"Just think, it'll be over soon." I thought aloud.

"Not soon enough." Ralphie muttered. We were standing just inside the entrance of the classroom, faced with a horrible dilemma: should we sit by the girls? Our four spots were there, and I'm sure we all had the same look of bewilderment on our faces.

Carlos didn't ask what the big deal was. Arnold didn't turn red. It was like we were turned to stone. Wanda was shier than I'd ever seen her. She was pretending to study. DA actually _was_ studying, because that's how she is. She looked up at us and waved.

"Aren't you coming to sit down?" She asked. It seemed like she was looking at me.

"Well, since you asked so nicely," Carlos said suavely. The rest of us filed behind him. I sat in the desk behind Wanda.

"Hey." I said softly.

"Hi." Wanda didn't look up at me.

"At least it's a short period, right?" Now she was looking at me.

"Yeah, I guess." She murmured.

"Come on, Wanda, aren't you ready to get down on the dance floor?" Keesha, who was sitting across the aisle from her, tried lightening the mood.

"Can we not talk about that?" Phoebe, who was in front of Keesha, turned her head quickly, then blushed and turned away. She was previously unaware of the dramatic increase in testosterone levels behind her.

"Phoebe, sex is totally normal." DA lectured. Phoebe slumped further in her seat.

"I was talking about the dance." She corrected fiercely.

"Oh." DA was speechless, for once.

"Dude, Pheebs just shut you up!" Carlos laughed.

"Way to have your mind in the gutter, DA." Keesha teased.

DA folded her arms and scowled.

"All right, class," Ms. Johnson began. "Hand in your permission forms." We all reached into our backpacks and rummaged in unison. It was cruel for her to delay the inevitable. "Hurry, we haven't got all day. Now, as you may know, we have two weeks to cover the topic of puberty and human sexuality. Also, I can't tell you anything you actually need to know, like different forms of contraception, but you aren't getting off easy with me telling you not to have sex. Kids are having sex younger these days, and you don't want to end up pregnant. We'll spend the rest of the week studying the various types of sexually transmitted diseases, ostensibly to make you all asexual. So let's get down to it, as it were."

Ralphie looked at the clock. DA got her notebook ready. I had mine ready, but I didn't know how I felt about doodling in health. I mean, what if I doodled a naked chick or whatever? I looked around at my friends. Phoebe was fiddling with something on her wrist, her eyes closed.

"All right, now we get to the fun part!" Ms. Johnson announced. "Your maturity will be greatly appreciated here."

"Please God, burn the school down." Carlos whispered behind me. DA shushed him firmly. The lights went off and we were staring at a very embarrassing diagram of the male reproductive system on the board.

"Don't be shy, look at the diagram." Ms. Johnson encouraged the girls. I took a deep breath and prepared for the worst. And the worst did indeed come. All the embarrassing things that had happened, but had previously been secret, were now revealed to all girl-kind. We all felt like we'd been caught red-handed or something. Then she moved on to girl parts, and we got the short – but equally disgusting – version of the period. At last, the lights came back on. "So with these changes, you undoubtedly have to make changes in hygiene." Great, I have a visual mind. The last thing I need to think about are naked women. She quickly breezed over deodorant and "feminine hygiene products" before she launched into what Ralphie would probably call "the boobie talk." This talk, thankfully and horrifically, had diagrams as well. Breasts were easier to look at than uteruses. At the same time we were afraid to look. I mean, I didn't like looking at the diagrams of shirtless girls and thinking that my friends had those too. I didn't want to piece together the images. The bell rang again. "And on that note, it's time to go to the dance."

I'd heard jokes about middle school dances looking more like games of Red Rover with boys on one side and girls on the other, and now I knew why. They were trying to keep us apart. We walked in a comfortable awkward silence toward the gym. Then Keesha spoke.

"Does that stuff actually happen – I mean has it happened to you guys yet?" She asked. Arnold turned redder than his hair. Phoebe smacked Keesha in the arm. "I want to know."

"Do you actually bleed for a week?" Carlos retorted.

"I have reached menarche, thank you." Keesha said matter-of-factly.

"I so don't want to be alive right now." Wanda muttered.

"You didn't answer my question." Keesha prodded. She looked at each guy and concluded that I was the most likely to answer.

"YES AND IT'S EMBARRASSING SO I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT." I blurted out louder than I intended.

"Can things be normal again?" Arnold offered. "Can we just not be awkward?"

"Arn, we're 13. We're _supposed_ to be awkward." DA replied.

"We'll make it." I smiled weakly. "Think of it this way, it's over now."

"Now we have to dance." Wanda said quietly. We entered the gym, which was dark except for skating-rink style disco lights and blaring music. Sure enough, guys were on one side and girls were on the other. Faster music was playing.

"We're okay 'til the first slow one." Arnold hardly finished saying it when the music changed to a slower beat.

"DA?" Carlos asked innocently. She smiled and they started dancing. The rest of us stood around looking confused.

"Come on guys, dance!" DA called. We all looked at each other. No one wanted to ask anyone.

"What the hell." Ralphie sighed. "Wanda?"

"Pheebs?" I asked. I didn't even know what I was doing. Arnold looked at me, sort of mad, sort of relieved, and walked over to Keesha. Phoebe smiled at me awkwardly and put her hands on my shoulders. I looked away sheepishly as I put my hands on her waist. I was a few inches than she was. "How are you doing?" I sounded so stupid.

"I'm okay. How are you?" She asked, equally awkwardly.

"I'm better than I thought I would be, I guess." I looked at her face, which looked a lot cuter in the low light. "I think things will be okay, you know?"

"I hope so." She answered.

"It's a good thing there's an even number of us, right?" I tried lightening the mood, but Phoebe wouldn't lighten up.

"I guess."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just – want to go home." She closed her eyes. "Sorry I'm being a bad dance partner."

"You're just fine." I winced, hoping she wouldn't take it the wrong way. "I mean – you know what I mean, right?" I was ending lots of sentences with "right."

"Yeah." It felt like I was trying to get a plant to talk.

"Remember that time you were a plant?" I asked, smiling.

"What? Yes, but why are you thinking about that?" She smiled a little.

"I guess it just came to mind." I sighed.

"Funny you remembered that." She mused. "You're weird – in a good way." She smiled wider.

"You first." I retorted as the final chords rang out. "Thanks for dancing with me."

"Thanks for asking." She smiled.

There were only two more slow songs played at the dance – and I got to dance with Keesha and Wanda. Carlos wouldn't share DA. By the time we were on the bus to go home, things felt oddly – normal.


	5. Carlos 2000

February 2000

I will never forget the first time I walked into a gym full of sweaty high schoolers dressed like we were off the set of _Back to the Future_. For decorum purposes, I had taken Keesha's arm. She was my date. Me? On a date with Keesha? Yeah, I never saw it coming, but … we decided to try out a different combination of couples than we seemed to.

* * *

It was just a regular old afternoon in December. I sat down at the computer in my room (hooray for my birthday and summer job!), as usual. When I wasn't with my friends, I was either on the phone or on AIM. I had a request to add a buddy. I hit "accept" and started typing:

soccerstudramon: you're a dirty sleaze  
wandatromboner:P takes one to know one, don juan  
soccerstudramon: at least it's socially acceptable for men to be dirty sleazes   
wandatromboner: if they want aids   
soccerstudramon: lol   
wandatromboner: do you want aids, carlos?   
soccerstudramon: I'll pass, thanks for offering

I had an idea. I opened a new window and furiously invited everyone I could.  
_Timinator2000 has joined the conversation.   
smartblondie910 has joined the conversation.   
atmyoldschool has joined the conversation.   
msfranklin has joined the conversation. _  
soccerstudramon: I have an announcement to make, everyone!   
_wandatromboner has joined the conversation._   
_arnrocks has joined the conversation. _  
Timinator2000: it's a party!   
soccerstudramon: are we all here yet?   
_wikkedkool has joined the conversation._   
soccerstudramon: oh right, I forget that Ralphie's the slow one.   
wikkedkool: I am not   
msfranklin: so what is it you wanted to tell us, Carlos?   
wandatromboner: what the hell is going on?   
msfranklin: shh, not around the innocent people!   
wandatromboner: it's okay, I knew I was gonna swear so I blocked Pheebs   
atmyoldschool: I KNOW WHAT CUSSING IS   
smartblondie910: no worries, I put language filters on her computer   
atmyoldschool: I'm not a #$! kid!   
soccerstudramon: ahem   
arnrocks: stop picking on Phoebe.   
Timinator2000: I'd like to point out that I didn't do it   
wandatromboner: only when hell freezes over   
smartblondie910: and when Carlos realizes his jokes suck   
wikkedkool: oh ouch   
arnrocks: ha!   
msfranklin: that would be about a quarter to never…   
soccerstudramon: SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!   
atmyoldschool: Carlos, our hearing isn't that good – you live too far away for any of us to hear   
Timinator2000: Phoebe wins!   
wandatromboner: see, we have to pick on you, Pheebs, it gives you ideas to pick on Carlos   
smartblondie910: MWA HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA   
arnrocks: I wonder who thought up that plan   
msfranklin: your mom!   
wikkedkool: dude, your mom is an EVIL GENIUS!   
soccerstudramon: jeez, what if I was dying or something? Do you guys ever shut up?   
wikkedkool: if you were dying, you'd call 911   
msfranklin: and if you didn't, you are too dumb to live   
wandatromboner: a-men.   
soccerstudramon: okay, I only have a second here, but I have a very important announcement to make.   
wikkedkool: I knew it! He's pregnant!   
Timinator2000: how did you know, is he your lover?   
smartblondie910: SH!   
soccerstudramon: I'm not pregnant, but what I am about to tell you is just as life-altering. You may or may not be aware of some scientific testing going on in the lake outside town. Basically there are these amoebas, and they're mutating and evolving legs.   
Timinator2000: o…k…   
soccerstudramon: well, to make a long story short…   
arnrocks: …   
wikkedkool: what!?   
smartblondie910: …?   
soccerstudramon: WANDA HAS AIDS! SHE OFFERED TO GIVE IT TO ME!!!!!!!   
soccerstudramon: … aren't you shocked?   
smartblondie910: no, I was just waiting for you to say "BAND-aids!" so I could groan.   
soccerstudramon: that doesn't make any sense   
msfranklin: welcome to our world of your jokes, Carlos.   
soccerstudramon: you love them. You love ME!   
wandatromboner: I'm in band. I'd give you AIDS of the band variety.   
atmyoldschool: you know, that brand of adhesive bandages?   
wikkedkool: why are we explaining this joke?   
msfranklin: beats me   
smartblondie910: sweet sweet revenge!   
arnrocks: someone's vindictive…   
wandatromboner: big words! My anathema!

Another window popped up.

_Timinator2000 invites you to join a conversation, with this message: about the dance   
_

I sighed. It was inevitable.

soccerstudramon: okay, seriously…  
wikkedkool: what the hell is an "anathema"?  
Timinator2000: this is the perfect dance – it's not all formal like prom   
wikkedkool: I can wear my letterman jacket!   
arnrocks: what am I supposed to do? Dress up like the Fonz?   
Timinator2000: Henry Winkler WAS Jewish   
soccerstudramon: okay, dork, not all of us watch Nick at Nite. So… we should coordinate our efforts here. Who's asking who?   
Timinator2000: whom   
wikkedkool: did Wanda make up that word?   
arnrocks: shut up, Ralphie, we're planning   
Timinator2000: it's "who's asking whom"?   
soccerstudramon: whatever   
arnrocks: you should go with DA, grammar police   
Timinator2000: shouldn't Carlos go with DA?   
wikkedkool: I don't know, do YOU want to watch them alternately fight and make out while you're sitting there with Phoebe in awkward silence?   
arnrocks: what's wrong with Phoebe?   
wikkedkool: nothing! She just seems like she'd be most likely to create a very awkward silence.   
arnrocks: I'll give you that, but only because her competition is Keesha and WANDA.   
soccerstudramon: hey, we won't make out   
wikkedkool: speaking of Wanda (LOOK ARNOLD I'M NOT CHANGING THE SUBJECT) she so made up that ant-theme word, right?   
arnrocks: it would be kind of awkward. (I'M IGNORING YOU RALPHIE)   
soccerstudramon: then don't ask Phoebe. In fact, I'm assigning Ralphie to Phoebe   
wikkedkool: why?   
arnrocks: because it's IRRITATING   
Timinator2000: why?   
wikkedkool: Phoebe?   
arnrocks: why?   
wikkedkool: she's not irritating. She's NICE.   
arnrocks: no, YOU'RE irritating   
timinator2000: why did you assign Phoebe to Ralphie?   
wikkedkool: is that what we're talking about?   
arnrocks: sometimes I think talking to you makes me dumber, Ralphie   
wikkedkool: sometimes I think talking to you makes me UGLIER   
Timinator2000: STOP IT!   
soccerstudramon: 1. I can't take her, she's taller than me, 2. Arnold has had a thing for her since the beginning of time, 3. Tim has had a thing for her ever since Arnold wasn't looking, therefore, by process of elimination, she goes with Ralphie.   
soccerstudramon: and Phoebe isn't annoying, your obsession with random words is   
Timinator2000: it's called a dictionary   
wikkedkool: cool.   
arnrocks: no fair!   
wikkedkool: (dictionaries are for losers)   
soccerstudramon: so then ask her out   
Timinator2000: I have not had a thing for her!   
soccerstudramon: R I G H T   
Timinator2000: anathema _n. _Definition: something hated   
Timinator2000: she didn't make it up.   
arnrocks: that doesn't make much sense.   
soccerstudramon: this is Wanda we're talking about   
wikkedkool: ANY WAY, so I'll take Pheebs, Tim and DA will have a perfect grammar date (complete with loser dictionary), and I think Arnold should learn something about avoiding awkward silences, so I assign him Wanda.   
soccerstudramon: seconded!  
arnrocks: that's cool  
Timinator2000: that leaves you and Keesha.  
soccerstudramon: and we will be the hottest couple there wikkedkool: no making out!   
arnrocks: yeah, that would be…   
Timinator2000: awkward.   
wikkedkool: dude, you're finishing each other's sentences   
soccerstudramon: it's like you're married!   
Timinator2000: okay, I'm leaving before any of you starts hitting on me   
_Timinator2000 has left the conversation._

* * *

A week later, we were at my house, planning the logistics of things.

"Oh come on, I won't make out with DA the whole time." I pleaded. "My first dance should be with my girlfriend – what an idea!"

"Well, that's not fair to Tim." Ralphie argued. "His first dance should be with your girlfriend too. How will you manage that?"

"Shut up, Ralphie." Tim elbowed him.

"It'll make things easier if we do the first one as friends." Arnold reasoned. "There are always more."

"Makes sense to me." Tim shrugged.

"It's easy for you," I scowled at him. "You've never really liked any of them!"

"That's crap." Ralphie piped in. "Remember? He's had a thing for Phoebe ever since – ever since any time Arnold wasn't looking."

"OH YEAH!" I was enlightened.

"What?" Arnold asked. "Didn't you say that already?"

"Yeah, he did, and it's not true." Tim argued.

* * *

Anyway, I was standing there in a sweaty gym with Keesha, who was wearing a purple poodle skirt. We all looked ridiculous and awesome at the same time – ridiculously awesome. I looked like the Fonz, so I was obviously the best-looking. The girls did the poodle skirt thing, which made Wanda look weird (weirder than normal weird). I had begged Arnold to do the Fonz look too, just because it would've been funny, but he didn't, even when the rest of the guys tried convincing him with everything from leather jackets' inherent sexiness to the original actor's being Jewish. We seriously looked like we walked off the set of _Happy Days_. DA looked awesome, but I couldn't go and dance with her the whole time. As much as I wanted to, I didn't want to ditch Keesha. I felt bad that I hadn't jumped at the chance to ask her. She was one of those girls that all four of us would have loved to have as a girlfriend. Hell, she was the kind of girl every guy wanted as a girlfriend. Fortunately, I had an awesome girlfriend who let me take her awesome friend to a dance.

"Let's find a spot and get our freak on!" Wanda proclaimed.

"Um, Wanda, you're dressed like Joanie Cunningham and you're talking about 'your freak'? It's very confusing." Tim asked quizzically. Arnold, who was Wanda's hitching post, looked uncomfortable.

"I don't know. Let's see Arnold freak." I smirked.

A long moment of awkwardness followed.

"Let's not." Arnold finally said. Some upbeat fifties song was playing, prompting Wanda to pull Arnold further into the gym, egging him on.

"Just hold on!" DA advised. "You'll be fine!"

"The Wanda train to Funkytown has just left the station." Keesha said somberly, which cracked us all up. "Hey, you wouldn't be laughing if you were Arnold!"

"Yes I would." Ralphie and I both said.

"So… are we dancing yet?" Tim asked. DA, his date, smiled and nodded eagerly. I shrugged. The song changed and Phoebe and Ralphie exploded into a dorky fit.

"What the hell?" I asked.

"We play this song in pep band." Keesha explained. "Apparently they know it. And like it."

"Well, you wanna give it a shot?" I asked. Keesha shrugged and took my hands. We started to do that swing dance thing that was so big, and so easy. I wasn't accomplished at ballroom arts, although it would definitely add to my sexiness. I made a note to learn to dance. It was totally worth getting the vertical mamba down first before I ventured any further in the ballroom arts. I couldn't help but watch DA and Tim transition seamlessly from fast song to slow song.

"I know you miss DA," Keesha remarked after a song or three.

"Oh, sorry. I'm being a bad date, aren't I?"

"A little, but it's fine." She smiled. "I mean, I've heard of people ditching dates to have sex in the bathroom. That would be worse."

"Damn, my plan." I tried. Keesha stepped on my foot – hard. "Ow, that hurt worse than heels." She gave me a look. "Don't ask me how I know that."

"My slapping arm is occupied." She said snidely and batted her eyelashes as a backhanded olive branch.

"Heh, you're really sharp." I grinned. "So how on earth did you end up going to this dance with me instead of some other guy?"

"They didn't ask me." She looked up and away. I followed her gaze to some uninteresting balloons.

"They're missing out." I offered.

"Well thanks for the flattery." She looked slightly troubled.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "Is it the oldies? They're kind of getting to me."

"Yeah," Keesha was lying and I'd opened myself up to it. Why was I being dumb? This wasn't the Carlos everyone knew and loved.

"Sorry, I won't pry." I sighed.

"No, it's okay." She looked back at me – down to me. Since when was Keesha taller than I was? I should've asked Wanda. "I've only known you FOREVER."

"Almost…" I said, more for the sake of saying something. I thought Keesha wasn't a likely candidate for awkwardness.

"You really don't want to be with me, do you?" She said flatly. "And that's fine. Go with DA."

"I do want to dance with you – besides, what about Tim?" I was in a tough spot.

She smiled. "Liars go to hell, Carlos."

"I'm already going for other things." I shrugged. "All the interesting people are down there."

"Whatever." She muttered. "You can just go dance with DA, okay?" She let go of me and went to sit down. I chased her.

"What's going on?" I asked, grabbing her arm.

"I don't want to be on a date when my date doesn't want to be with me. It's that simple." She replied.

"Keesha, listen to me, seriously." I grabbed her other arm and looked her straight in the eye. She wasn't that much taller than me, thankfully. "You're probably the awesomest girl I know. You're smart, witty, not an eyesore, and you know what you want. You're willing to go for what you want, and yet you aren't bitchy about it. Any sane guy would kill to be in my shoes. Why don't you believe it?" I said firmly.

"You don't mean it." She closed her eyes. Why did I sound like I was in a soap opera? Any time I tried to get serious, this crap would happen. Soon she and DA would be slapping each other, pulling hair out and screaming "SLUT!" at the top of their lungs. It wouldn't be hot. Well, not entirely.

"I do too mean it!" I argued. The feeling of the humid gym, blasting music shaking my bones, but it was Diana Ross crooning something familiar, the swirling lights and colors of balloons and streamers and cheesy decorations surrounding me, plus the punch that tasted funny – everything was affecting me. I felt awful for Keesha, but it terrified me that I thought so highly of her. Was I supposed to? I thought I was supposed to only feel anything ever for DA. I let go of Keesha's arms and hugged her. It felt strangely good. I leaned in a little bit, then nearly fell over. Keesha pulled away, startled.

In the split second after I was shot down, but before Keesha could say anything, I realized that I recognized the song.

"Carlos, don't make this any more complicated than it needs to be." She said firmly. "It's just dance madness. I had it with Arnold at Sadie's. It doesn't mean anything, trust me." She turned away, then stopped and turned back. "thanks, though, I guess. I hope you don't just feel bad for me."

"No," I said quietly, hoping she was right and doubting it simultaneously. "Um, what are the odds?" I pointed at the ceiling.

"What the hell -?" she asked. "Oh my hell, this is so funny!"

"Why? What song is this?" I was confused. I hated being the only one who didn't know the song.

My life shifted from soap opera to musical as all the girls in the gym danced and sang along, "STOP! In the name of love before you break my heart!" It was awkward, so I tried to see if Ralphie was doing the dance. I reached in my pocket for my camera. This was so going down in history.

"What are you doing?" She asked, smiling.

"Trying to catch Ralphie dancing like a pansy." I replied. Normalcy – what a relief.

"Who's a pansy?" Ralphie asked innocently. I jumped and whirled around. Phoebe seemed to like the song as well. I could at least get a picture of her making an ass out of herself. She gave me the look. The most terrifying experience I've ever had was the four girls all giving me the exact same "NO" look. I pocketed my camera, sadly.

"No," Keesha quipped. "Carlos was commenting on the color of my dress – it's the color of a pansy."

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes. "What are you guys doing over here?"

"Nothing, just – talking." I managed. DA and Tim were still dancing. "Would you like to dance, Pheebs?" I asked. As normal as things had started to get, I wanted out.

"Uh, sure?" She looked confused and blushed a little. This was normal Phoebe behavior. I had to test Keesha's theory on someone totally platonic. Who better than Phoebe?

"So, are you having fun?" I asked quickly. I looked right in her eyes. They were green, right? I couldn't tell in the crummy light.

"I'm having a great time," she was still confused.

"Look, I'd explain what happened, but – it's complicated." I confessed. Okay, I wasn't feeling all crazy about her yet. So far, so good.

"It's okay." She smiled. "Keesha can be weird that way."

"Yeah," I said. Well that was a crappy way to end the conversation. "I guess I'm too busy with DA to hang out with the rest of you guys. That's why I wanted us to switch around."

Her left eyebrow shot up. "Ralphie said it was his idea."

"He would." I muttered. I looked over Phoebe's shoulder (okay, off to the side a little ways) and glared at Ralphie, who managed to steer Keesha over to us and kick me in the butt.

"Gee, you guys have grown up so much!" Keesha was very good at swooning. Phoebe giggled.

"I'm going to get some punch." I said abruptly as the song ended. I grabbed Ralphie's arm wordlessly. "I saw you move in on MY date, Tennelli."

"Yeah, well, I saw you move in on her too." He replied.

"I mean this in the best way possible – it was a momentary lapse." I explained. "The whole dance thing… hey, have you felt anything different toward Phoebe?"

"Um, not really." He was filling his cup with punch and I couldn't look him in the eyes.

"You two looked like you were having a grand old time…" I pressed.

"Yeah." He shrugged.

"And you guys would be way cute." I added.

"Are you saying I'm cute?" He asked. "Seriously, I don't like Phoebe like that."

"Even after the dance? What if we go see a movie and she falls asleep on you, so sweet and angelic…"

"Why are you trying to talk me into liking Phoebe?" Ralphie demanded. "It's just a dance."

"I'm just trying to see if it's just me." I furrowed my eyebrows. "Please – can I blame it on the lights?"

"It's a personal problem," Ralphie retorted and started walking away.

"Not a word," I called quickly.

"Fine, but if I'm asked, I'll tell." Ralphie had this annoying honesty thing.

"Don't worry, I'll – I'll talk to DA about it." I closed my eyes. That would suck, but it had to be done. I brought the punch to Keesha. "Hey, I'm going to talk to DA for a second, okay?"

"Okay." She smiled and moved toward Phoebe and Ralphie.

"DA!" I called. I momentarily forgot that Tim was there. "Hey, can I talk to you for a second?"

"What is it?" She asked. She tilted her head slightly.

"I just – want to talk to you." I looked at Tim. "Alone."

"Oh," Tim started.

"I have no intention of making out with her." I corrected sharply. "This is talk."

"Okay," Tim said, only slightly wary.

"A bunch of them are over by the punch." I said, pointing in the direction I'd come from.

"Thanks," he walked away slowly.

"What is this about, Carlos?" DA asked. I took her arm and we went out of the gym and into a corner where there was supposed to be a vending machine or drinking fountain, but there wasn't.

"I hated not going to this dance with you," I started.

"We don't have to do everything together," She replied.

"Well, I'd like to go on dates together with you." I argued. "It gets confusing."

"It's only a dance!" She exclaimed before her expression changed. "Is this really about wanting to go with me?"

"Yes!"

"Not just because it keeps your wandering eye on a leash?" She pursed her lips slightly.

"DA, nothing happened. I just – I got confused by the lights and the … the big fake jukeboxes, and the slow dancing – I have hormones." I tried explaining.

DA laughed.

"What? What's so funny?" I hoped she wasn't going to cruelly dump me for infidelity.

"That's normal, Carlos." She smiled and put a hand on my arm. "When your environment is screaming 'we're a couple,' it's hard to keep your head straight."

"Not all of us are perfect like you." I said with a sarcastic sentimentality.

"Oh, me? No!" She was taken aback. "I know it's just a dance, but it's still confusing."

"So we're okay?"

"Yeah." She kissed me on the cheek and headed back toward the gym. She paused and turned around. "As long as you're okay with the fact that Tim and I just made out during 'Unchained Melody.'"

"WHAT?!" I exclaimed. She rolled her eyes.

"I can't believe you fell for that." She giggled. "They haven't played that song."

"How am I supposed to know that?" I said, slightly louder. We were turning heads now.

"See you later, Carlos," she winked and continued walking away.

I saw a commotion at the gym door, including a loud voice I recognized. "Wanda?" My eyes widened. The rest of the group followed out. Arnold was the deepest shade of red I could imagine.

"Come on! I was just having fun!" Wanda protested.

"You have to leave, Ms. Li," the vice principal, Mr. Green, said firmly. "If you make any more fuss, I'm going to have to ban you from school activities for the rest of the year."

"But I'm on drill team!" Wanda argued.

"SHUT UP, WANDA!" Keesha snapped.

"What was she doing?" I asked, incredulous. I looked and noticed Arnold was the closest to me. "Well?" He wasn't answering. He took a deep breath.

"She was," he paused and swallowed, "getting her freak on. And now she's being removed from the dance. I think … I think we should leave."

"This dance sucked anyway!" Wanda exclaimed. "Let's go!" She grabbed Arnold's arm and triumphantly led us to the door.

"This is so the last time you decide the couples." Arnold whispered loudly.

"Oh, can I be next?" Ralphie asked. "I think you should take Wanda to prom!"

"Drunk Wanda!" Tim quipped.

"Shush, we're still in the school," DA warned.

Arnold stopped and glared at DA, Ralphie, Tim, and me, then took a deep breath. "You are DEAD TO ME."

* * *

**Halfway there! **

**Reviews are very much appreciated... you know, as usual.**


	6. Keesha 1999

May 26, 1999

Our ninth-grade time was nearly over. Next year we were sophomores, and we were enjoying our last few months of being on top. Wanda was entertaining us – DA, Phoebe, and I were pretending to look interested with varying degrees of success.

"So for the picture, I want to wear a scarf and hat – then everyone can play 'Where's Wanda' – isn't that the best idea you ever heard?"

"It is, because I thought of it." Phoebe countered. "In fifth grade it was a dumb idea."

"It was then. It isn't now." Wanda grinned evilly. DA giggled a little bit.

"Stop stealing Phoebe's ideas." I rolled my eyes. "First her notes, then her favorite sweater, then her locker…"

"I feel so… used." Phoebe said in her sweet, sad voice. It cracked me up. Ever since her first day at Walkerville Elementary, Phoebe had been my best friend. The four of us girls were way tight, but I felt closer to Phoebe for some reason.

"Are you going to run around the back so you'll be in the picture twice?" Dorothy Ann asked. Wanda's eyes lit up.

"You didn't think of _that, _did you, Pheebs?" Wanda challenged.

"No, but I could actually do it if I wanted." Phoebe retorted. She was on the track team at Walker High, even though she was a freshman, and was probably going to be in a meet and everything.

"Aren't they taking the picture tomorrow?" I asked. "What are you gonna wear?"

"I just _told _you." Wanda insisted.

"Seriously, though." I raised my eyebrows.

"Don't you want to look hot?" DA prodded.

"Why would I want to do that?" She got defensive. This was fun.

"For boys?" Phoebe continued.

"Like…?" Wanda rolled her eyes. "I don't have to dress up to get boys."

"Right." DA smirked.

"Arnold has been in love with me since before he was born." Wanda tossed her hair matter-of-factly. She'd let the tomboyish bob grow out a bit and now had silky black hair halfway down her back.

The bell rang. Lunch was over, and I had only two classes left: band with Wanda and Phoebe, then geography with Phoebe, Carlos, and Tim. "See you later, DA!" Phoebe waved.

"Remember to wear something nice tomorrow – I hear someone thinks you're an eyesore!" Wanda called.

"Wanda!" Phoebe and I exclaimed.

"Come on, how could you guys not be used to my abuse by now?" She shrugged.

"Still," I sighed. "Carlos hasn't been complaining."

"We aren't talking about the same Carlos." Wanda leaned in closer. "They've been fighting more than usual. This could be it."

"For the third time this year." Phoebe added. "Honestly, Wanda, I doubt they'll ever really end it."

"We'll see what you say in a week." Wanda winked.

"Homewrecker." I remarked.

"You really have no idea what's going on, do you?" Wanda asked.

"No, because you won't tell me!" I argued. The three of us entered the band room. No one was setting up – our last concert had been Friday night. We were watching movies for the rest of the year.

"Basically, they're both worried about high school – when we get there, we might all get separated and stuff. They don't know if it will work." Wanda sighed.

"That's it?" I asked. "You made that big of a deal about that? I totally don't understand you, Wanda."

"I like it that way. It gives me mystique." Wanda put her hand in front of her face to illustrate her mystique.

"Girls, quiet please." Mr. Delmar, our teacher, insisted. He looked relieved that we were leaving soon.

We watched some stupid musical or something. I wasn't paying attention, I was whispering with Wanda and Phoebe throughout class.

"Are you so excited to go to Adventure Park?" Wanda's face lit up.

"So Arnold can give you the ride of your life again?" Phoebe raised her left eyebrow and the three of us busted out laughing. Phoebe had the single most innocent image I'd ever seen, complemented by the gold cross around her neck glinting in the TV's bluish glow.

"Hey, it would be great to end the year with a bang." Wanda giggled.

"GIRLS." Mr. Delmar said firmly. We were already near the back corner, so we had no choice but to quiet down a bit.

"I thought sticky squishy parts together was gross." I asked snidely. "Since when are you actually excited to ride in the Jewish rodeo?" Phoebe tried to suppress a laugh, causing her to snort. Wanda hit her arm with the back of her hand.

"I grew up."

"No you didn't." Phoebe and I retorted in unison.

"Remember how your last name is short for little?" I asked.

"You're too lazy to write the whole word." Phoebe added.

"Whatever." Wanda stuck her tongue out. "Besides, I play brass – that means I'm a better kisser than you guys."

"You can't beat my ligature." I pursed my lips as if I were playing my clarinet. "And our tonguing is divine, I hear."

"And we can lip it." Phoebe added.

"Lip it good." Wanda echoed. The conversation lulled.

"It's sad that DA isn't here – I miss it being all four of us." Phoebe sighed.

"She already knows all about kissing and God knows what else." Wanda rolled her eyes. Irritation was her way of expressing jealousy.

"Yeah, it's weird – like she and Carlos are off doing their thing, leaving the rest of us." I lamented.

"And at least boys have video games." Phoebe mused.

"I told you I could teach you to play." Wanda offered.

"You tried that." Phoebe, who was lying on her stomach, folded her arms and laid her head on them.

"Oh yeah, then you 'won' while 'some random person' was shooting walls." I giggled.

"I FORGOT WHICH SCREEN I WAS." Phoebe corrected sharply, but smiling. This time Wanda snorted, and she snorted much louder than Phoebe.

"Ms. Franklin, move to the other side of the room, please." Mr. Delmar ordered. I sighed. Things like this were always blamed on me – or Phoebe, or Wanda – but never the one whose fault it was. The one time Phoebe was speaking audibly, Wanda would get sent away. I sat across the room from my friends and scowled for the rest of the period.

Instead of watching the musical, I doodled in my notebook absent-mindedly, wondering how our trip to Adventure Park would pan out.

Phoebe will get trampled at least once by Wanda, who will be trying to sit next to Arnold

Carlos and DA will take three "bathroom breaks" before noon to go make out

Arnold will blush while upside-down, resulting in super red face

Bonus points if it's on the Fire Dragon and it gets captured on film.

Ooh, I had to document that for posterity. I scrawled "CAMERA" on my left palm. That would remind me. With Wanda relentlessly pursuing Arnold, Phoebe and I would be stuck with Ralphie and Tim. Wanda was bound to make Arnold ride Action Mountain. Maybe they'd actually make it this time. I paused while I thought up a number of times Wanda would have to ask before Arnold gave in. I came up with ten or so hypotheses before going "to the bathroom." On my way, I nonchalantly let the note fall from my hand and gave Wanda a look indicating that she should pick it up. On my way back in, I saw a note on my backpack.

WE'RE TALKING TO DA AFTER SCHOOL.

This stank of Phoebe. She had no regard to timing – she didn't seem to realize that we all had to ride the bus home with DA, and so most drama should be contained until we got off the bus so we could all run away and play phone tag like good teenage girls. Only Phoebe would decide to write a note ten seconds before the class was over anyway.

Sure enough, the bell rang within seconds.

"I don't care what you say, Keesha, we need to talk to her so we're not all angry when we go to Adventure Park on Friday." Phoebe preemptively protested. "We have to clear the air."

"Don't look at me, this was all her stupid idea!" Wanda defended, pointing. "You two plan it out in geography, I'm going to gym."

"See ya, weiner." I called.

"Later!" Wanda couldn't finish with anything amusing, so she just waved awkwardly.

"Can't this wait until the bus ride?" I pleaded.

"Let's just get it over with." Phoebe argued. She hated it when we fought, and her puppy-like innocence was enough to make me stop hating someone. "We can even tell Carlos not to make out with DA after school –" I elbowed her in the ribs to interrupt her. We were coming up to our geography class, and Carlos and DA were doing their melodramatic middle school couple goodbyes. I sucked in my breath, gritted my teeth, and tapped DA on the shoulder, causing both her and Carlos to break from their kissing in the hall and look at me angrily.

"Can I talk to you for a sec, DA?" I asked gingerly.

"Can it wait?" DA asked grouchily.

"It'll only take a second." I argued.

"I was _talking_ to _Carlos_."

Phoebe giggled. I spoke up before DA could hear. "Look, I'll make it quick. You two are really cute together and all, but … it gets kind of awkward when we're all together – all eight of us."

"We've been through this," DA sighed. "You're just jealous."

"I'm not saying you guys have to break up," I kept going, trying not to let it needle me. "I'm just saying it would be very nice of you to have more private time… you know, not in front of the rest of us."

"We still like you guys a whole lot," Phoebe added. I hadn't expected her to still be standing there. "And I miss Dorothy Ann and Carlos. I hardly ever see you guys apart any more."

"Do you know how hard it is to make a relationship work?" DA demanded.

"Do you know how hard it is to keep your friends if you–" I started.

"DA, it's not that big of a deal," Carlos interrupted.

"We just want to hang out more like it used to be – when we were still kids and just wanted to have fun." Phoebe continued.

"Hey guys!" Tim said, his cheerful expression dropping the instant he detected drama. "What's – uh, what's going on?"

"We should get to class." Phoebe blurted before darting into the classroom, Tim hot on her heels.

"I didn't want to make you angry," I said softly to DA before I slipped into the classroom after my friends.

"Thanks for doing that," Phoebe whispered quickly before class started.

"What was that all about?" Tim asked. I was halfway through telling him when Carlos came in.

"Carlos, you know I'm not trying to be evil, right?" I asked.

"Oh yeah! DA just thinks everyone's out to get us or something. It's getting on my nerves, frankly."

Phoebe and I looked at each other and each raised an eyebrow. The disembodied voice of Wanda was crying "SEE?!"

"Girls are crazy," Tim shook his head. "I had to listen to Janet talk about what she's wearing for the picture tomorrow all last period."

"Bummer." Carlos sighed. The bell rang and geography begun.

* * *

"WITHOUT ME?!" Wanda cried. "Holy crap!"

"I was going to do it, but Keesha stopped me." Phoebe said. "Do you think DA hates us now?"

"She'll get over it." Carlos piped in.

"Wait, he was IN on it?" Wanda's voice was getting louder. I smacked her with my geography book.

"Yeah, she didn't look infuriated," Tim added. "It seemed more like she was amazed you had the nerve."

"I figure seventh period is as good a time as any to cool down." I sighed.

"Easy for you to say," Arnold panted. "She was PISSED." He had math with DA.

"Seriously?" Wanda's jaw dropped.

"Oh bad," I sighed.

"She's gonna kill us!" Phoebe moaned.

"I wouldn't go that far." We all stopped. It was DA. "What, am I some sort of evil creature now?"

"But you were mad," Phoebe said softly.

"Well apparently being angry is unreasonable." She glared at Carlos.

"Wait, could we please not hate each other now?" Arnold offered.

"It's the last two weeks of middle school," Tim added. "We're going to Adventure Park."

"The ninth grade picture is tomorrow and I don't want us all to look mad." Wanda continued.

"I just wanted to point something out – you can take it or leave it." I said quietly to DA. "Fair enough?"

"Fair enough." She sighed. She hated being wrong and we all knew it.

"Um…" Wanda started. "Where's Ralphie?"

We looked around, realizing there were only seven of us. "What's his seventh period?" I asked.

"Gym?" Tim asked.

"No," Wanda countered. "I would've seen him."

"Biology!" Phoebe exclaimed and took off running.

"Good old random Phoebe." Carlos sighed. I tossed my backpack on the ground and chased her.

"Where are you going?" I called.

"I'm going to get _Ralphie_," Phoebe turned her head and kept running. Before I could even vocalize how bad this could end up, I realized that it was going to end up pretty bad.

"Pheeb!" I managed to get out before Phoebe ran into a very green-faced Ralphie, and I realized that I was going to top off their pile if I didn't do something quick. I tried to stop, but the floor was slippery and my flats weren't the best at traction. The instant I swerved, I wished I hadn't.

I slammed into the lockers on the side of the hall and fell backward onto Phoebe, our heads hitting each other.

"This has been a bad day." Ralphie said after a moment. The three of us sat up, rubbing the various sites we'd collided.

"You guys!" Wanda cried, "Get off your butts or we'll miss the bus!"

Phoebe, Ralphie, and I groaned and picked ourselves up from the floor. No one was bleeding, fortunately for us.

"Where were you?" Arnold asked.

"The teacher decided we needed to learn about intestinal parasites." Ralphie moaned. "I was going to be sick again if I stood up too quickly."

* * *

The next morning, Thursday, the ninth grade picture was taken. Wanda forgot her scarf and Arnold wouldn't let her borrow his glasses, so she had to look normal (for Wanda). DA lightened up a little. As irritable as we all could be, it was hard to stay mad at anyone in the group for long. That day was the longest day of my life. No one could concentrate or do anything in class because we were all too focused on scheming and musing about the trip to Adventure Park. DA joined the rest of us girls in looking over the predictions and laughing.

"I'm going to say Phoebe ends up with Tim." She smiled.

"What? Why?" Phoebe asked.

"Because Keesha is going to end up with Ralphie, duh." Wanda rolled her eyes. We were back at lunch again, and back to normal. This was nice.

"Well I have to head to English," DA said, picking up her bag.

"Hey, thanks for being cool about this whole thing," I said quickly. Wanda and Phoebe were already heading to band.

DA shrugged, "No problem. See you after school!"

* * *

Finally, we were on the bus. Normal school backpacks had been stuffed full of bathing suits, towels, and spare t-shirts (especially for the savvy girls whose cutest Adventure Park outfits involved white shirts) instead of books, cameras were snapping away on the bus, and Carlos, of course, had brought his Walkman.

"Let me listen!" Ralphie leaned over his seat and grabbed at Carlos' headphones.

"No way!" Carlos recoiled. "DA, tell him to leave me alone!"

"You wish!" DA retorted, absorbed in rubbing sunscreen on her bronzed arms.

"I wish I could tan like you," Phoebe mused, rubbing SPF 80 on her pale, freckled arms.

"You'd look funny if you had DA's skin," Wanda, who had "so happened to" take the seat next to Arnold (stepping on Phoebe's toes and almost kicking me in the shin in the process).

"So would you," I retorted. "Can I borrow some sunscreen, Pheebs?"

"Sure," she handed me the gigantic bottle of generic sunscreen. "Anyone else need any?"

"I forgot mine." Ralphie sulked.

"You would." Tim retorted. Ralphie punched him. "OW! You can use some of mine. The girls will take forever to put on their sunscreen."

"They're trying to seduce you with it." Carlos raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think Phoebe knows what that means." I teased.

"I DO TOO!" Phoebe squeaked.

"MS. TERESE!" A familiar voice yelled from the front of the bus. Phoebe turned red and slunk down in her seat.

"Oh my Lord," I gasped.

"What?" Ralphie asked from across the aisle.

"This is the first time Mr. Delmar actually yelled at the right one of us." I whispered. I remembered DA's prediction about Phoebe and Tim, which did leave me with Ralphie. Then again, DA was convinced that arguing meant love, in which case Ralphie and I were married with twelve children. I noticed that I was leaning more toward Ralphie than I expected and pulled myself back. "Don't worry, Phoebe, he's talking to the preppies now." I reassured her.

"I think I'll stay down here." Phoebe said before falling off the seat and onto the floor. "Yep, I think I will."

"Hey Tim," DA called, getting a sly look in her eye. "Phoebe's fallen down, maybe you should pick her up?"

"Sure," Tim said. I smiled at DA. Everything was going to go according to plan.


	7. Wanda 1998

February 13, 1998

"Hey Li, did you sit on a piece of chocolate or something?" Tiffany Woods taunted. She was the same Tiffany I'd teased Arnold about, the same Tiffany who was tall, blonde, and gorgeous, and the indirect reason I'd never wear white pants to school again.

"What?" I asked. We were in the locker room, getting ready for dance class. Tiffany and a bunch of her cronies, which included everyone's favorite Janet Perlstein (who danced like a hippopotamus covered in itching powder) burst into laughter. I was getting angry, but I was confused. What was so funny? I felt a cool hand grip my left arm. It was Keesha.

"Wanda, you might want this." She handed me a pad. I wasn't stupid – I knew what a pad was.

"Why?" I asked, instantly regretting it. Keesha took a deep breath. "Oh – shit." I sighed quietly.

"Thanks for pointing that out, you're great pals." Keesha announced.

"We weren't talking to you," Michelle Wright scoffed in her Valley Girl voice. "We were talking to Little Miss Retard over there."

"I'M NOT RETARDED." I yelled. Keesha yanked me back before I could beat Michelle senseless.

"We have to finish dressing," Keesha hissed.

"Thanks for making me look even dumber." I growled. "Here's your diaper back."

"Wanda, you shouldn't," she managed.

"Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't do!" I snapped. I stuffed my light khaki pants into my gym locker and pulled on my leotard. I didn't want to have a huge bulge in my crotch getting in the way of my dancing. The popular girls, who were the main group in the class, spent the whole period looking at me, whispering, and giggling. I wanted to die. At least it was Friday. The moment we could go back to the locker room, Keesha bolted. She hadn't so much as looked at me since I yelled at her. It served her right. I went straight to the stalls, hoping that somehow a naked man would stroll through the locker room or something to make everyone forget that I was having my period. A few minutes of wrapping up toilet paper later, I nonchalantly reentered the main area of the locker room. I'd triple-checked to make sure no stray bits would give me away.

I unlocked my locker and a note fell out. It was written in purple sparkly pen – Keesha's favorite. I hated pissing her off, but we were both so stubborn and frank about it.

Wanda,

Trust me, even the best TP pad never works. I put the "diaper" in the empty locker under yours. See you at lunch.

K

I rolled my eyes. What did she know? She lacked my engineering skills. Besides, I wasn't going to waste all that time I'd spent securing my brilliant invention to my panties by ripping it out and flushing it. No way, José. I pulled a sweatshirt over my leotard and looked in the mirror. It came down over my butt, but it was about five years too late for that style. DAMN.

Too bad 80s wasn't "retro" yet, for Michelle and me both, I thought snidely. I hated that they hated me. I was supposed to pick MY own friends. They were all supposed to want to be with ME. I rustled through my locker, hoping I'd had something left over. At the back of the locker, I found a pair of jean shorts smushed in a corner. They were Phoebe's, so they wouldn't be too short, thankfully. I snickered. I had a backup plan, unlike Thunder Thighs (Keesha), who wanted me to wear a diaper. Stupid Keesha.

It was Friday anyway, so I figured I may as well throw all my gym clothes into my gym bag. I slung it over my shoulder so everyone would know the fantastic athlete that I was, and sauntered up to English, my fourth period. I had English with Arnold, Ralphie, Phoebe, and DA. I ran up the stairs as quickly as I could, but the tardy bell rang. Now I was late for class, and Ms. Rand was sure to be pissy. At least I'd have Arnold's undivided attention while I entered the room. I let myself soak in that moment for a little while before I was forcibly reminded to pay attention – the door to my English class swung open and hit me right between the eyes.

My yelp echoed through the otherwise silent hallways.

"Wanda, are you okay?" Ralphie asked. "I didn't see you coming,"

"I'm fine." I pushed him into the classroom and grabbed the doorknob. So much for my grand entrance.

"Are you still wearing your leotard?" He asked, oblivious to the fact that we were now interrupting a stupid sentence diagramming lecture or something.

"Yes," I said sharply.

"Will you two lovebirds stop discussing Ms. Li's wardrobe?" Ms. Rand snapped. I felt my face get hot. Of all people she'd refer to me as a "lovebird" with – Ralphie Tennelli? The fat kid? What did she think I was, _desperate?_ Ralphie looked like he was thinking something along those lines. Phoebe was redder than her notebook. Arnold looked pale and more frightened than embarrassed. DA had her arms folded and was staring at me, sort of angrily.

"I have a note," Ralphie said quickly, his voice cracking. My face got hotter. Great, now my fake boyfriend was experiencing puberty in the middle of class.

"Thank you. Wanda? Do you have a note?" Ms. Rand looked up over her granny glasses, draped around her neck with gaudy chums.

"No, I forgot to get one." I muttered. "I can go talk to Miss Morrison if –"

"I don't think so." Ms. Rand stood up from her desk. "Have a seat, you two." I rushed into the seat next to Arnold. DA looked at me chidingly.

"You don't have an excuse, do you?" She whispered.

"She does too! She's still in her leotard!" Phoebe argued.

Arnold shushed us a little too loudly. I looked at my watch. Why was it only 11 a.m.? I still had four whole hours to get through. I had nothing better to do, so I wrote a note.

_How's your day going? I was surprised you didn't stay home today since it's so unlucky and all!_

Arnold returned it quickly.

_Superstition is stupid. I don't want to get in trouble for writing notes._

I wrote:

_Come on, Arnold, it's not a big deal. Are you doing anything fun this weekend?_

Arnold took the note and looked at me, shaking his head fervently as stealthily as he could.

"Wanda?" Ms. Rand asked sharply after a while zoning out. "Will you give us an example of a compound sentence?"

"Uh, sure." I said quickly. _What the hell is a compound sentence? This was supposed to be review! _"I like…" I looked around really quickly. I almost felt bad about adding "macaroni" when I looked at Ralphie. "Macaroni."

"And?" Ms. Rand raised an eyebrow.

"AND?" I asked. "Um, I like macaroni and cheese." It didn't work. I looked around at DA, then added, "and I think I'm going to make some right now." DA looked a little less like she was going to have a hernia, so I knew I did something right.

"Very good," Ms. Rand said icily. I grinned slyly. She went back to dissecting sentences (or whatever) on the board.

A note landed on my desk.

_Good save._

It was from Arnold! My heart fluttered a little, but I willed it to stop. It was un-Wanda behavior to be all girly over a boy.

_Thanks. So what are you doing this weekend, huh? Do you have a DATE?_

Arnold wrote:

_Why do you want to know?_

Oh crap, how did I get myself into this? I had only nanoseconds to think, but I scribbled down:

_Because I want to. Why won't you tell me?_

Arnold replied too quickly.

_How convincing. Tiffany and I are going to dinner and a movie tomorrow night. _

I had to ask:

_What movie?_

Arnold:

_Probably Titanic._

OH MY HELL. He was seeing a three-hour sobfest with that floozy? I had to foil it. Before I could do anything, Ms. Rand turned around and I stuffed the note into my notebook. Thankfully, fifth period came after a lunch of scheming with Keesha and DA. Everyone else had lunch after fifth, which normally killed me. I took a very deep breath and began to think. I could buy out all the movie tickets, then they couldn't go, but I didn't have the money. Besides, that was a little more than creepy. I couldn't ask Arnold to come watch a movie beforehand – unless I did. The gears were beginning to turn in my mind. The bell rang and DA pulled me aside before I even left the classroom.

"What are you planning?" She asked sharply, nearly pushing me into an old bookshelf full of _To Kill a Mockingbird_.

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently. DA rolled her eyes.

"Playing innocent doesn't work with me." She replied.

"Um, Wanda?" Arnold asked sheepishly. "Why does your chair look like someone pooped all over it?" DA's eyes widened. She opened her mouth to blurt out the truth but I stopped her.

"IT WAS LIKE THAT WHEN I GOT HERE." I said firmly. "I'll see you after lunch, Arn, I'm starving!" I grabbed DA and Phoebe and bolted out of English. "If either of you tell anyone, I will kill you so hard you'll wish you're dead."

"You got your period?" Phoebe asked, ignoring the threat.

"Are you wearing a tampon?" DA continued the inquisition.

"I have it taken care of!" I insisted.

"It wasn't like that when you got there, was it?" DA asked gently.

"Aren't those _my _shorts?" Phoebe asked.

"STOP IT!" I yelled.

"Wow, SOMEONE'S on her period," a random ninth grader remarked. I flailed my arms, freeing me from Dorothy Ann and Phoebe and grabbed the kid by his backpack straps.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" I yelled in his face.

"Wanda!" A voice cried. I turned around, only to find Ralphie, my "lover."

"WHAT?!" I practically screamed. I could feel the ninth grader tremble a little bit.

"You left your gym bag in class." Ralphie said sheepishly.

"Here," Phoebe reached out for it. DA walked over to me.

"Let the kid go, Wanda." She said firmly.

"Think before you talk next time, moron." I said angrily.

"Wanda!" DA protested.

"Here's your bag." Phoebe said meekly. "I've got math now – see you later." She ran off without another word.

"Let's go find Keesha." DA shook her head. I picked up the bag and walked down the hall, feeling stupid that my friends had scolded me. "What's making you act so stupid?"

"I'm not acting stupid!" I protested.

"What did she do this time?" Keesha asked.

"Where did you come from?" I demanded.

"Spanish, same place I always do." Keesha smirked. "Does DA know yet?"

"What?" DA and I both asked.

"Never mind." Keesha shrugged. I had figured out what she meant, but it wasn't that big of a deal.

"Look, I have to pee, you guys." I said quickly. "Watch my stuff?" I dropped my backpack and gym bag at our usual spot and darted off to the ladies' room. Sure enough, my homemade invention had failed to keep me from drawing extra attention to myself, but I knew just what to do to fix it.

"Are those Phoebe's shorts?" Keesha asked as I approached the table. She was eating a sandwich, as usual, as was DA. I dug out an egg salad sandwich out of my own lunch bag.

"Yeah, so?" I asked, glaring at her a little.

"At least you aren't wearing your khakis." Keesha smiled mischievously. Before DA could ask, she answered, "Tiffany was making fun of her khakis – they got dirty."

"OH." DA said suddenly. She looked like she was going to keep talking, so I threw a grape, which hit her in the eye. "Ow!"

"Good thing I left you that pad, right?" Keesha smiled and sipped her grape soda. "I didn't want to be mean or anything, I just didn't want something embarrassing to happen."

"What? Like talking about PADS in the LUNCH ROOM?" I demanded.

"Wanda, your voice –" DA started, but I already realized that people were staring.

"THE MENSTRUAL CYCLE IS TOTALLY NORMAL AND NATURAL." I proclaimed. "AND FEMININE HYGIENE PRODUCTS ARE ACCEPTABLE TO DISCUSS IN PUBLIC. WE AREN'T LIVING IN THE DARK AGES, DOROTHY ANN."

"Oh my God." Keesha buried her face in her hands. "You are one crazy bitch, Wanda."

Lunch was normal (as it usually was). I told the girls about Arnold and Tiffany's date. Keesha tried to talk me out of doing anything, but that was going absolutely nowhere.

"Carlos and I are going ice skating. He planned it. Isn't that sweet?" DA beamed.

"Mmm-hmm." Keesha and I sighed. "Can't I PLEASE sabotage Arnold's date?"

"Wanda, if you're not brave enough to make a move, you can't make his life miserable until you get the guts." DA lectured.

"Says the girl who was practically rape-kissed two years ago," Keesha added.

"See?" I said. "Sometimes you need external forces."

"You don't count as an external force in your own 'relationship.'" DA made quotes with her fingers.

"I can do what I want!" I argued. DA sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Well, if you're so smart, you tell me: what should I do for him then?" DA asked. I lifted a fist to my mouth. "NOT THAT."

"You so walked into that." Keesha laughed.

"I know," DA sighed.

"You could always call him and say 'I'm not wearing any pants' in your best sexy voice." I suggested.

"I SAID NO, WANDA." DA insisted.

"No, she actually has a good idea!" Keesha's eyes lit up. "I think I'm going to mark my calendar!"

"Put a sock in it, Thunder Thighs." I shot.

"Defensive." Keesha laughed. "I won't write down when you had your precious little idea."

"IT'S NOT LITTLE." I retorted.

"You sound like Carlos," DA thought aloud. We erupted into fits of laughter.

"Seriously, though, call him up – he'll totally buy it." I said after a good belly laugh.

"Then what? I jump out and yell 'surprise! I'm clothed!' or something?" DA asked.

"No, you just wear a skirt." Keesha explained. DA, who didn't always deal with this kind of silliness, slowly smiled.

"IT'S PERFECT!" She cried. "It will make him so mad!"'

Lunch left me ready to face the rest of the day. I double-checked the bench I had been sitting on and still, even after my brilliant engineering, found a few spots. I hated it when Keesha was right. I left DA and Keesha and headed toward my math class. I spotted a ladies' room on my right. Perfect! These things had tampon machines, and I'd read about how to use them. I ran in, my right hand in my pocket fumbling for a quarter.

"Don't bother, it's broken," said a girl who was at the sink.

"Hey, thanks," I said quickly. The tardy bell would ring soon and I really didn't want to be late again. I'd get a hall pass after a few minutes, when Mr. Addison let us work on our homework. I was in "stupid math" – pre-algebra. DA was already in geometry, but who cared about her? I was about to turn my luck around.

I sat down in math and took notes like the model student I was when I felt like being her. Like clockwork, Mr. Addison gave us time to work on our homework, and I was out of my seat as he finished giving us the assignment. Janae Peterson was, as well, and I made sure to run ahead of her to the teacher's desk.

"Mr. Addison," we both said at the same time.

"One at a time, please," he looked up at us, puzzled. "Yes, Wanda?"

"I need to use the restroom, may I go?" I asked sweetly, both reveling in and avoiding Janae's look of death.

"Don't take too long," he said, as usual, and signed a slip of paper before handing it to me. The instant the door shut behind me, I bolted down the hallway, down the stairs, past the lunch room, and down the gym hall toward the girls' locker room. I had made sure to leave before the beginning of second lunch so Mr. A wouldn't get all pissy about thinking I was trying to see my friends or anyone. I wished I would've thought of that sooner, because I could use to "accidentally" run into Arnold – maybe he'd be so caught up in seeing me unexpectedly that he'd blow off his date with Tiffany.

The bell rang as I neared the end of the hallway. The locker room would be empty – perfect. I spent the twenty or so feet before the end thinking of an alibi. _I had left my friend's – Keesha's – necklace in here this morning. It was important. I'd have to pay for it if I lost it, and this is the last place I remember having it. Her dad gave it to her for her third – _

I'd reached the end of the hall and turned left to the locker room. I slowed to my best casual walk, trying to be relieved that I didn't have to focus on my story any more. It was pretty lame. I'd just go in, get the pad, come out, say hello to my friends, and go back upstairs. Perfect.

I moved through the small maze of walls, lockers, and mirrors to where my gym locker was. The room was eerily quiet. I sighed. At last, the day's drama was over. I turned a corner and instantly wished I hadn't. I interrupted a couple playing tonsil hockey right in front of my locker, which happened to be in a back corner conveniently away from everything else. The mass of blonde hair turned around and exclaimed, "WANDA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

I nearly shat my pants. It was Tiffany – and Arnold, the love of my life. "I - left my friend's necklace here," I said slowly.

"Tiff, we'd better – we'd better go." Arnold stammered.

"You don't wear necklaces," Tiffany countered, raising an eyebrow.

"Maybe I do!" I retorted.

"What did it look like?"

"It was – blue." I lied.

"Why'd you need to get a necklace in the middle of class?" Tiffany asked.

"I'm on my lunch now." I lied again.

"I saw you during A lunch."

"Look, I left something here third period and I'd like to get it and get on with my life!" I snarled.

"Was it a tampon?" Tiffany asked sing-songily.

"NO!" I insisted. "Just – let me get to my locker!"

"Tiff, let her get to her locker." Arnold echoed.

"Wanda had a little accident today in dance, did you know that?" She asked evilly. I tried telling myself that it was because she knew that Arnold liked me, so she was trying to tear me down. "She wasn't originally wearing that skinny girl's shorts over her leotard. She ruined her nice khaki pants."

"Can we not talk about this now?" Arnold asked quietly.

"Sorry if I'm beating around the bush – Wanda bled on her pants and threw a tissy fit at your friend Keesha for trying to give her a pad. I'm surprised she hasn't made a mess out of her shorts yet!" Tiffany laughed. I wanted to die right there. Arnold looked at me. He knew what had happened in English now. He knew I didn't find it that way. I wanted to die even more. I took a deep breath.

_She's trying to embarrass you. She knows you like Arnold. Just be the badass Wanda everyone knows, fears, and loves, and get the damn pad, _I thought to myself.

"Excuse me!" I said rudely as I reached for the locker below mine. Thankfully, the pad was still in it. "Oh, I forgot that by necklace I meant feminine napkin, and it was pink. Silly me." I snarled at Tiffany. "Now would you please escort your hostage out of the ladies' locker room so I can clean up in relative peace?"

"HOSTAGE?" Tiffany laughed. "I'm sorry, Wanda, but Arnold's not being held hostage by any means! Has he told you we're going to go see the most _romantic_ movie ever?"

"Has anyone told you that the Titanic sinks and everyone DIES?" I retorted, storming over to the bathroom stalls. "HOW ROMANTIC!" I yelled from the safety of my aluminum fortress.

I wanted to walk out of the locker room to triumphant cheering, to Arnold telling me he was so sorry he was kissing Tiffany in front of my locker and promising never to go on a date with her, but I went back out into an ordinary B lunch. Carlos was at the Coke machine across from the locker room.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" He asked me.

"You don't want to know." I replied. "So I hear you have cute stuff all planned for you and DA. That's awesome of you."

"Everything I do is awesome." He retorted. I laughed.

"If you do say so yourself." I shook my head.

"I hear you and Ralphie are –"

"WE ARE NOT!" Ralphie argued. Carlos looked at him in disbelief.

"Seriously, we aren't. Ms. Rand just thinks we are, which basically makes it impossible." I explained. "Besides, Ralphie's kind of on the – um,"

"I'm more man than you can handle." Ralphie finished. Carlos laughed and Dr. Pepper bubbled out of his nostrils.

"On that note, I'm going back to math. See you guys." I giggled.

"YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME, WANDA!" Ralphie called.

"YOU WISH, CANNOLI!" I cried back.


	8. Arnold 2002

June 6, 2002

My mind was somewhere else completely during the entire high school graduation ceremony. I bet normal people were thinking of all the memories they had. I spent a moment going over the highlights: Ralphie on painkillers after he got his wisdom teeth removed falling asleep at Denny's, Wanda decorating Ralphie's head with her leftover salad, Keesha waking him up by laughing so hard she fell on the ground… among other things that had happened in the past month. Sure, it had been crazy in high school, and I knew that the "happiest years of my life" were supposed to be over now, but I couldn't help but think that the best was yet to come.

One day I'd have a car of my own, but my parents wanted me to graduate from college first. Making out in Phoebe's old Dodge Caravan - we'd affectionately named it the "Magical Toaster" – had lost its novelty. I looked around. I'd been separated from all of my friends, and was closest to Wanda, who somehow always looked ridiculous in whatever she didn't choose.

I looked down at the synthetic leather case I got. I was very under whelmed by all the pomp and circumstance (no terrible pun intended) involved in graduation from high school. I was convinced that a chimp could've done it.

At last we were moving our tassels and throwing our hats. Despite all the cheers and some crazy girls crying, I could hear Wanda swearing. I leaned over a folding chair to get closer to her, not caring if I got tazed (or whatever) for being "out of line."

"What happened?" I asked.

"A CORNER OF A HAT HIT ME IN THE EYE!"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Sorry, maybe you shouldn't have looked up then."

"I wanted to see – it's one of those Kodak moments that life isn't complete without," Wanda tried to explain.

"You were raised by TV," I laughed.

At last, we got to file out of the Walker Center, one of the last arenas in the state not named after some stupid company (although Wanda liked to try to make me imagine it being the Preparation-H Arena). I was glad to get out of my red robe – red being one of the least flattering colors on redheads – and back into something normal.

"Congratulations, Arnold!" My parents, who were waiting outside with half my extended family, ran up to me. "Wasn't Janet's speech great?"

Phoebe, who'd caught up with me, looked at me sternly. She knew I'd really wanted to develop narcolepsy to make the ceremony interesting. "Um, it was – stellar." I managed. We'd all gone out to dinner beforehand and planned on going to the Adventure Park lock-in the high school had managed. Usually classes went to some lame indoor thing, but DA was the Senior Class President and realized that she'd have seven ex-best friends if we were subjected to that kind of stupidity.

"Well, have fun!" My aunt Jean said, hugging Janet and beaming.

It took us almost an hour to drag Keesha away from her grandma, who was a surprisingly challenging lady – I mean, if each of the Catholics had an easy time escaping their clans (especially Phoebe – whose great-grandpa had actually led a clan in Scotland), why would it take Keesha so long to get away from one old lady? I mean, we all love Mrs. Franklin, but we wanted to get on with our lives. Fortunately, we had plenty of diversions – Janet wouldn't get within twenty feet of Dr. Tennelli, because earlier that year (before Keesha and Ralphie started dating), Ralphie had insinuated that his uncle Frankie had served some time in jail for dumping a guy in the bay.

"They found the body without its fingers –" Janet had sobbed to me, "and that's how he got his name in jail – no one would threaten Fingers Tennelli, and he's going to get out in a month!"

Even after I'd made Ralphie promise never to terrorize my cousin again, he'd drop hints every now and then that his mom went to med school at NYU – which is where, Janet was convinced, she started her organ trafficking ring. Of course this amused Ralphie and Carlos to no end. Carlos was still trying to get her to buy some story about his ancestors and the Alamo and other general banditry, but Janet deemed that "ridiculous." This is the same Janet that didn't hesitate to believe Tim when he claimed he was related to Thomas Jefferson, Harriet Tubman, and Louis Armstrong, the same Janet that made Phoebe say "she's a little gullible, isn't she?" PHOEBE. Fortunately, DA jumped in before Tim could finish outlining how he was "related" to Mr. T.

"Why can't we go to Disneyland? That would be SO much cooler," Carlos complained to DA.

"Do you want to drive four hours – without any traffic in LA – to Anaheim?" DA asked.

"I don't have to," Carlos folded his arms. "I'm okay with it – driving is Phoebe's problem."

"The toaster would overheat." Phoebe tried.

"I'm good with cars." Carlos argued.

"Stealing them doesn't count," Tim countered.

"Don't be a racist, Tim," Janet said.

"He's not being racist," Carlos replied. "He's volunteering to steal us a car. After all, he is better-suited for it."

"Carlos!" DA sighed.

"I could steal a car," Wanda started.

"If by that you mean 'make me some egg rolls,' then yes, you can." Carlos smirked.

"I DARE YOU TO SAY THAT AGAIN." Wanda fumed.

"You jumped into that race argument," Keesha shook her head. "Don't make me paint Phoebe's face so she can throw telephone poles at you to make it stop."

"They're called cabers," Phoebe corrected. Tim whispered something to her. "I'M NOT GOING TO SAY 'EH' AFTER MY SENTENCES, OKAY?"

"You kind of just did," Ralphie giggled.

"Well, you succeeded in kicking my sweet, never-hurt-anyone old granny out of the arena," Keesha said, acting disappointed and angry.

"Let's party!" Carlos cried. I swear, if Ralphie hadn't been there to distract Keesha, inadvertently protecting Carlos, we might've spent our grad night in the ER. Although Wanda gets the bad reputation for being the one who could and would beat someone to a pulp, I think Keesha could actually do it.

All nine of us (Janet was riding with us, to her dismay) piled into Phoebe's 1991 Dodge Caravan, complete with stylish wood paneling. There were two bench seats – the back could fit four and the front could fit three - plus the two bucket seats in front. Janet was looking at me pleadingly.

"SWEET, DA, LET'S GO IN THE BACKSEAT!" Carlos cried, dragging DA toward the door. Phoebe had already sat down in the driver's seat and turned around firmly.

"NO SEX." She insisted.

"I think that's the closest to swearing I've ever heard Phoebe…" Janet mused softly.

"It could be worse," Ralphie said. "She could put Tim between you. Tim is the anti-sex."

"Your parents _would_ love me for it," Phoebe considered.

"I don't think the anti-sex bubble extends outside of my person," Tim added.

"Do we have to have a seating chart, Miss Terese?" Wanda whined. "I thought we were past this!"

"Me too, but Carlos' hormones are begging to differ," Phoebe said, still rather stern. She'd make an awesome teacher if she wasn't so hell-bent on archaeology. She thinks it's cute for both of us to play in the dirt all day.

"He'll be good." DA promised. "We'll sit in the middle seat."

"I'll sit with them," Tim volunteered. He'd either become very good at hiding his anger about our teasing him with his lack of luck in the girl department or become very laid-back about it. Either way, we were happy as long as he was.

"Thanks, Tim." Phoebe smiled sweetly. The other girls had always tried to set Phoebe and Tim up, and apparently Tim was a serious competitor for Phoebe, but they'd never really hit it off. Moments like this made me wonder a little, but not worry. I know they'd never do anything to hurt me, but part of me wonders what would've happened if they'd gone out.

"So I'll sit in the back and smack Ralphie and Keesha when they get too close?" Wanda asked, excitedly.

"Fine." Phoebe smiled.

"I don't know if that's a good idea…" Ralphie tried.

"Oh come _on, _Ralphie," Janet lectured, "you can keep your hands off your girlfriend for ten minutes, can't you?"

"I don't know…" Ralphie looked slyly at Keesha.

"I'm stunning, have you _seen_ me?" Keesha exclaimed.

"Arnold, get in the car!" Tim urged. I was still standing outside with Janet.

"Aren't you going to take shotgun?" DA asked. Janet looked at me pleadingly.

"Are you going to leave me in the middle of all your weirdo friends?" She asked silently.

"I think I'm going to sit in the back to keep you all from scaring the shit out of my cousin." I sighed. Janet smacked me.

"Don't swear, Arnold!" She cried.

"I'M DRIVING THE RADIO!" Wanda exclaimed, climbing into the front seat before anyone could blink. "Where's that mix I made?"

It was going to be a long ride to Adventure Park, I could feel it.

"Right here," Phoebe handed her a burned CD from the case on the window visor. For such a crappy van, Phoebe had a nice stereo. I got in after Janet, who ended up sandwiched between Ralphie and me. I was smashed between Janet and the passenger side of the van, which was also the privileged spot of opening and closing the semi-functional old door.

"Everyone, keep your arms and legs inside the toaster," I grabbed the handle of the door and flung it forward with all my might, closing it successfully on the first try for the first time in weeks.

"IT'S PARTY TIME!" Wanda turned the stereo up to ear-bleeding levels. Janet hadn't thought to look for her seatbelt until Phoebe had taken off (fortunately Phoebe drove like a rational human being, despite the fact that a van full of teenagers listening to music at top volume would probably be driven more crazily – like if Wanda were driving).

I had known from the beginning that bringing Janet along was going to make things interesting – to say the least, but Janet seemed to have conveniently forgotten how our group felt about her antagonizing, which had only just begun in the third grade. It was only until the music became deafening and she was trapped in a van full of teenagers listening to "What's My Age Again?" that Janet remembered how much she hated most of my friends. To be fair, she didn't really hate any of the guys, but now that they all (except Tim) had girlfriends, she hated the girls even more. Her irritation mounted with every song. Apparently Wanda's mix could have been subtitled "Songs to Drive Janet Insane."

"Can we please not listen to this shit so loud?" Janet screamed, her hands over her ears.

"This isn't shit," Carlos corrected. "It's NIRVANA."

I imagined Janet demanding that Phoebe pull over so she could mope by the side of the road. Fortunately, we'd all grown up a little.

"COULD WE LISTEN TO SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T SUCK?" Janet screeched.

"We are!" Wanda exclaimed. "Everyone loves the Backstreet Boys!"

"OH GOD, NO!" Ralphie cried. Tim covered his ears. I lowered myself in my seat.

"Everyone loves watching you guys hate the Backstreet Boys," Keesha corrected. Janet slunk down in her seat, resting her chin on her hands in a gesture of futile helplessness.

Finally, we pulled into the parking lot of Adventure Park. Phoebe managed to find us a decent spot and we rushed to the ticket booth.

"So, Janet, why don't you have a car?" DA asked, semi-vindictively.

"Some of us don't have rich mommies and daddies who give us vehicles," Janet snapped back. "Some of us can't afford to crash cars into ditches whenever we feel like it."

"Lay off, Janet," Carlos said defensively. "It wasn't her fault!"

"Oh, the ditch just jumped out of nowhere?" Janet laughed. I had to admit, she did get kind of evil when the ball was in her court.

"Shut your face," Wanda threatened.

"Oh no, now Wanda's involved," Ralphie sighed.

"Damn right I am," Wanda added. "You leave my friend alone!"

"Arnold! Your tiny Chinese girlfriend is threatening me!" Janet whined.

"I'M NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND!" Wanda bellowed.

"I'm not Chinese," Phoebe mused.

"Oh, Phoebe doesn't even count; she's got a boyish figure." Janet said snidely.

"WHAT?!" Phoebe shrieked. "I haven't been anything but nice to you this whole time! Why did you-?"

"You can either shut up or walk home," Wanda said determinedly.

"Isn't it funny how Wanda's the man of the group?" Janet observed. "I mean, you guys are all standing around, just letting her prove that she's got more balls than all of you…"

She was interrupted by Phoebe hitting her across the face. It was more of a slap than a punch, but still somewhere in between. I could almost hear everyone's jaws drop. Janet wasn't hurt, but stunned, and Phoebe looked even more so.

"Stop making fun of my friends." Phoebe managed.

"Holy shit," Carlos exhaled. "Did Phoebe just hit someone before Wanda could get a chance?"

"I think we're in an alternate universe," Tim concurred.

"I think I'm going to kick Janet in the shins," Ralphie moved forward.

"Just wait 'til I tell Aunt Angela that your 'girlfriend' hit me!" Janet said triumphantly. "And I can tell her about the time you two were having sex and I walked in on you and –"

"DON'T. YOU. DARE." I said firmly. "Or I tell your mom about how you tripped Phoebe last year and just let her fall into the drinking fountain and break her nose."

"What was I supposed to do, catch her? And you can't prove that I broke her nose!" Janet cried. I was holding her shoulders firmly. We were all standing around, trying to figure out what to do. I took a deep breath. This couldn't escalate any further without someone being hurt.

"Look, Janet, can we act like civilized human beings?" I asked.

"It's hard for your friends because -" she started.

"CAN WE ALL ACT LIKE CIVILIZED HUMAN BEINGS?" I repeated.

"Just keep your mouth shut and we should all be fine." Keesha said coldly. "You don't even have to stick around us if you're too good for us." Janet opened her mouth to reply, but I glared at her. Apparently I glare really well.

"Why did you do that?" I asked Phoebe, pulling her aside once we got in the gate.

"I'm sorry," Phoebe replied.

"It's okay – I mean, it was pretty awesome, but – you know she's going to tell my parents and they're going to hate you now." I was trying to figure out how I felt about a Phoebe who'd stick up for herself. It was really cool, but not at all what I expected.

"And they'll tell you to date Wanda because she's less violent." Phoebe giggled.

"Stop making out, let's GO!" Tim called. I grabbed Phoebe's hand.

"It's going to take some time to get used to, this new confident thing," I said quietly.

"I think it was a one-time thing," Phoebe smiled. "But I guess I could be kind of tough sometimes, you know…"

We ran to catch up with the group, who went on a roller coaster first. We did all the standard Adventure Park stuff – the sky ride, the campy haunted house, all the roller coasters, the ripoff games – and still managed to make it over to the mini golf course. Janet had left us a while back without much of a scene. I think she was, despite what she would've admitted to, slightly afraid of Phoebe.

"Hey, I'm going to sit this one out," Wanda remarked, forced casually. It was odd, seeing as we were at the most exciting, terrifying, we-had-to-talk-Ralphie-into-it rollercoaster at the park.

"Why – oh!" Keesha pointed at a tall, handsome man by the concessions stand. Wanda swatted at her hand frantically.

"It's not nice to point!" Wanda hissed.

"Okay," DA tried to push the conversation along. "Just don't wander off too far."

"Use protection," Carlos warned.

"I have it covered," Wanda winked.

"Two forms!" Keesha called.

"I KNOW!" Wanda replied.

"NO DOUBLE-BAGGING!" Carlos added.

"THANKS FOR THE HINT," Wanda walked further away.

"I don't know if I want to go any more," Ralphie whimpered.

"Come on, it's just a _ride_," Keesha urged. "You've lived through worse,"

"Barely," Ralphie bargained.

"I think we're going to sit this one out too," Phoebe said, displaying more of her rare self-confidence. I was slightly irritated – I was usually the one "wearing the pants," and while I liked Phoebe to have her say, I didn't exactly like her having mine as well. I looked down at her and her eyes twinkled. It was fair this time, then.

As soon as our friends were out of sight, we dashed off to a corner of the park that few people frequented. I pressed my lips to hers and kissed her deeply. I could feel her melting in my arms. I held her tighter, and started to slide my hand up the back of her shirt.

"Arnold, I can't," Phoebe panted, breaking away from me.

"What? Why not?" I asked, concerned. Suddenly she looked very sad. "What's wrong?"

"I've – been trying to not let it bother me," she said quietly, "but I know that it should, but this is supposed to be a happy part of my life, and –"

"I'm sorry – but there's only so much I can say if I have no idea what you mean," I managed. What was it? Was she going to break up with me? Was she pregnant? Was she being deported?

"Well, you know how I've felt kind of sick lately?" She managed. I swallowed hard. She was pregnant. I knew it. We could always get married and put off college for a little while, or she could take classes online.

"Phoebe, I want you to know that no matter what, I'm not going to leave you," I assured. She looked confused. "And no matter what you decide to do, I'm behind you all the way." This wasn't helping. "You're – you're pregnant, aren't you?"

"No – not that I know of," Phoebe thought aloud. I'd obviously just worried her further. "No, I can't be, can I?"

"No," I answered, not entirely certain. "Sorry."

"Well, my brother, Danny – I don't think you've met him. He's a lot older than I am and –"

"Did he rape you?" I asked, incredulously.

"NO, ARNOLD," Phoebe nearly yelled. "He's dead." I didn't feel like I needed to prompt Phoebe any more to get any answers from her. "He – committed suicide last week. I didn't want to upset you or anyone, but – I can't keep it a secret any more. I just wanted you to know before I told the others. I really didn't want it to come out spontaneously, but – I guess it kind of did."

"Oh, Phoebe, I'm so sorry," I pulled her close and held her. I could feel her crying into my chest.

"He meant the world to me," she cried, "he was in high school by the time we really became friends, and he got in a lot of trouble and stuff, but he was always good to me. I wish I didn't just let people assume I'm an only child… I wish I would have…"

Her words became unintelligible. I felt frozen – there was nothing I could do but hug her and stroke her hair lightly. I eventually heard footsteps running toward us – it was Keesha. I looked above Phoebe's head. Keesha saw that something was wrong.

"You guys, something happened," Keesha said, concerned. She ran up to us. "Are you okay, Phoebe?"

"No," Phoebe said into my chest. Phoebe always said "yes" unless she thought she was going to die, as a general rule. She pulled away from me a little bit and looked at Keesha, along with the others who were gathering around. "My brother, Danny, who was finishing up in college committed suicide last week." She couldn't help choking up on nearly every word. The sentence didn't come out quickly at all, but as soon as it did, everyone was around her, trying to make her feel better somehow. "I don't want you guys to feel bad for me or anything – I wasn't trying to ruin graduation or – I just am so _sad_."

We stood there, trying to do something to comfort Phoebe (Ralphie offered her some Gatorade so she wouldn't get dehydrated and ended up getting some for nearly everyone), and it finally seemed to help.

"I think I'm going to get a pretzel." She said softly at last, clutching to the nearly empty bottle of Gatorade. "You're all the best."

"Only because we care," Wanda said. "Don't look at me like that, DA, I'm allowed to be nice every once in a while."

"I wasn't going to say anything!" DA protested. "It was Carlos!"

"Carlos, stop making DA look at me like I'm a moron!" Wanda argued.

"I can't help it if she can't resist my mind control!" Carlos grinned. The whole banter was uneasy. It felt unnatural to get back to normal.

"They're out," Phoebe scowled. "And I'm hungry."

"Do we have to stay here all night?" Tim asked, wearily.

"I don't know," DA managed. "Once we leave we can't come back, but I think we can go."

"Let's go." Carlos added.

"Let me call Janet and make sure she can find a ride." I said, reaching into my pocket for my cell phone.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, we were in a Wendy's drive-through. 

"I'd like three cheeseburgers, two with no onions, one of those with extra pickles, one with mayo, and one has to be kosher." Phoebe said.

"What?" The cashier asked, drowsily.

"One has to have no other animal products on it, like mayo or cheese," Phoebe explained slowly.

"It's not that big of a deal," I whispered.

"That would be a _hamburger_, miss," the cashier said, irritated.

"Okay," Phoebe answered in her usual chipper tone. "And a Sprite, a Dr. Pepper, five Cokes, and a Diet Coke."

"Don't say a word," Carlos pointed threateningly at Tim, Ralphie, and me.

"I wasn't going to!" Ralphie argued. "I was just going to laugh."

"Okay, chicken sandwich for Keesha," I had the honored duty of passing out the food, being in the front seat, "and you got a Sprite?"

"Thanks, Arn!" Keesha said, grabbing her drink.

"Chicken sandwiches are for girls." Carlos sneered.

"Triple cheeseburger with no onions," I called out, re-wrapping the sandwich.

"I have the manwich!" Carlos reached greedily for his hamburger.

"Give that cheeseburger to DA – and these to Wanda," I said to Tim. "And here's your potato and chili. Okay, who had the Dr. Pepper? Give this to – you." I rolled my eyes. "Here's some cokes – and this salad is yours, Pheebs."

"Sorry," Phoebe took the salad back. "Ew, this coke is diet!"

"Carlos, your man beverage is ready!" I called, pulling Phoebe's straw out of the Diet Coke. I grabbed a fresh straw and handed it – along with the coke – to Carlos.

"It tastes better!" Carlos argued with DA, pre-emptively.

"I'm going to put you on a liver transplant list when we get home. You'll thank me later." DA replied.

"My liver isn't good enough for you?" Carlos retorted.

"Can we forgo the aspartame argument?" Phoebe cried. "Let's go!"


End file.
